Update: To shoot a good friend's Wedding or not- Pros and Cons...

[S-Man]

Let me apologize in advance for such a long read. That said, carry on:

A really good friend of mine is getting married at the end of the year. He's already said he wants me to shoot it, and I've told them that I'd love to. I also said that I don't want them to feel obligated to hire me since I'm a friend, and that if they choose not to use me, I can refer them to some phenomenal photogs (From here on TPF of course )

I was looking forward to it, but the more that I think about it, it puts my stomach in knots.
I have no qualms about shooting a clients wedding. Sure I get a little nervous, but once I get there and get into my groove, I'm all Cool Hand Luke. I think part of that is due to the fact that I know most of my clients will be out of my life 6-8 months or less after the wedding is over.
My good friend on the other hand...

And that's what scares me. If I jack something up (not that I lack confidence in my ability to deliver, but there's always that small chance that something beyond your control will screw up your day and ruin a wedding shoot) I'm not sure we'd be able to be cool after the wedding. My biggest fear is getting into a bad situation and losing a great friend, or even having a disappointed friend if something screws up.

Then there's the part of me that wants to enjoy the wedding day of my good friend and share in the happiness and festivities of the day. If I'm 'working' the whole time, my mindset will be in 'professional' mode and I'll miss the emotion and weight of my friend getting married.

So I ask you, TPF.

To shoot a friends wedding, or not?

Lets hear your pros and cons of doing so.

[rab3rd]

Hire someone from here as a gift and shoot second as a friend.

[dracula02]

Contract. 'Nuff said.

[CaptainTom]

Would you sell a used car to your best friend ?
If the car was in perfect shape and you were fine with the fact that your friend
might find something wrong with it later, and you knew he would understand that you didn't know the transmission was about to break then go for it.
If you think you'd likely not answer the phone when you see his name on caller ID because you are afraid the transmission has died, or the brakes didn't work then don't sell him the car.
It's easy to sell to someone else when you don't have to see them again. Selling to a friend means every time you see them you wonder what they think of you.......and the job you did for them.

[jeffro20]

If you believe in your abilities as photographer to pull off the job, I don't see the problem.

[S-Man]

Originally Posted by rab3rd

Hire someone from here as a gift and shoot second as a friend.

I'm not going to gift it. He would be hiring me. Furthermore, I'm not going to gift a $1500+ wedding package to them

Tom said exactly what I was thinking. I'll always be wondering what they truly think of the work, and if they're really pleased or secretly disappointed.

Also, I could really use the $$, but I'm not sure it's worth jeopardizing our friendship over.

[Triana]

You're having doubts. I wouldn't risk it. Not worth the worst case scenario coming true in my opinion.

[toverman]

Judging by the work you've shared here, Sam, you are more than up to the job technically and artistically. Seeing as the friendship means a lot to you, though, that's more important than the money by a long shot and probably not worth the risk. I agree with you that you wouldn't be able to enjoy the wedding and take part as a friend if you were working it.

[rab3rd]

Originally Posted by S-Man

I'm not going to gift it. He would be hiring me. Furthermore, I'm not going to gift a $1500+ wedding package to them

Tom said exactly what I was thinking. I'll always be wondering what they truly think of the work, and if they're really pleased or secretly disappointed.

Also, I could really use the $$, but I'm not sure it's worth jeopardizing our friendship over.

Well, it was a thought anyway. I have turned down that same offer once now because I didnt want to be in the position, Groom is my friend and I want it to stay that way. He would be cool with the results, but I dont know the bride and would like to still hang with my friend in the future. ;-)

[CallMeAl]

Does he want you to be there as one of his best friends and enjoy and share in his wedding...or, does he want you to be working your tail off getting those great shots I'm sure he wants. I've done a couple of wedding for friends, very reluctantly, and believe me, I'd rather have gone as a guest.

[Daylon]

Originally Posted by CallMeAl

Does he want you to be there as one of his best friends and enjoy and share in his wedding...or, does he want you to be working your tail off getting those great shots I'm sure he wants. I've done a couple of wedding for friends, very reluctantly, and believe me, I'd rather have gone as a guest.

I second that. You'll be working your butt off and won't be able to enjoy the wedding. Plus there's the whole "no good deed goes unpunished" philosophy when it comes to doing favors for friends...

[danchez]

it's like lending money..... For family, I have done it and I don't expect to get it back, but loaning money to friends... They don't pay you back when they said they would, yet when you go out with them for drinks or whatever, they keep spending money like it was nothing and not repaying you. They buy new bluray movies, blah blah blah, all of this and not paying you back. You know if you ask for your money back, they will be upset about it and then it will tarnish the friendship. Basically what I am saying is, Don't do it.

[ngoduyviet]

If you are comfortable with your work & your friend likes your work, go on and shoot it. If not, you can always hire me & I'll let you second shoot or uncle Bob me

[DoublyDan]

Picture yourself having a beer and laughing with the b&g at his wedding. Looking to the right you see the photographer WORKING and you think to yourself, "This beer really tastes good ... I'm so glad that I can enjoy myself tonight."

Having the ability is one thing but this is a time to celebrate with him not for him...

[S-Man]

Man, really good points peeps. I told the bride that I could refer them to some amazing photogs. We still haven't sat down and discussed the details yet. I figure I'll speak with them more about the emotional aspect of the proposal when we talk.

But the bride has already gushed to me about how special it would be to have me shoot the wedding. So I may be stuck in shooting it. And Viet, I like the sound of that. We'll see what happens and I'll let y'all know.