Stupid People: Biting my tongue

[Cajungaltx]

I had my consultation with the parents of one of my seniors last night... I did the really cool slide show... the photos of their daughter were gorgeous.... mom was 'wow, she's pretty'... 'wow, that's amazing'.... 'wow, that's gorgeous'....

Dad would look .... and then grimace...and then look... and look down....He made a couple comments about how she 'just struggles' with her weight.... and her face is 'puffy'....

As someone who dealt with the same sort of 'not good enough' statements from my dad.... I went from zero to sixty in like 2.2 seconds.

He has a 17 year old daughter, who isn't a size 7... I listened to his daughter in the car talk about colon cleansing diets... and all kinds of other things....unHEALTHY things...

And you know why she's talking about this crap? Cause her dad is a dumba$$ who makes stupid comments like this in front of COMPLETE strangers (NEVER MET HIM BEFORE LAST NIGHT!)...

if he does that with me... how likely is it that he's making more hurtful comments in front of his daughter???

I wanted to tell him... to never say anything like that again... to just love her... and repeat it... cause if she's a size 2, or a size 20, she's still his daughter... and he needs to recognize that... and stop the qualification.

FREAKING HEAD EXPLODING!!!!

And for those who don't know... this is the young lady with the "weight" problem... according to her dad:





No - she isn't a size 6.... but she's gorgeous... and she's going to spend her whole life focused on 'weight' issues instead of enjoying it.

I told my husband, if he EVER makes a comment about EITHER of the girls weight - to not be surprised when he wakes up after I knock his lights out.... *seriously*

On a more 'professional' note... how do you deal with stuff like this? I know people are going to do stupid stuff... and I didn't say anything... I bleed green... lol... but dang it... I want to pull the DAUGHTER aside and let her know that her dad is an idiot and she's gorgeous!

Mom made a couple of comments about the photo (the one with her laying down) - that a couple of her coworkers didn't like it... and a couple of them did. I told her - this photo is definitely for your daughter... when she looks back... when she's 50... she can tell her grandkids... granny was a hottie!

*grin*

It wasn't on the order list for the ones they wanted... but this morning... she called and told me to include either a 5x7 or an 8x10 of it... my choice... lol.

I didn't tell her, that I was going to include one for free if they didn't order it.

We call it lagniappe in Louisiana.... lol... means "a little something extra" ....and this young lady needed it.... ;-)

[CaptainTom]

Donna,
Not saying something to the dad was a good idea.
If you feel compelled to get into their business ( that's what you'd be doing )
I'd suggest you have a talk with the young lady. Since you photographed her, she knows you and likely respects your opinion.
Tell her how she looks and that trying to be what somebody else thinks is normal is a mistake.
It seems that her mom is OK with her, but the dad has a controlling influence.
If you are on her side, that'll help to offset his ignorance.

I'm glad you are a caring person.

[toverman]

I remember when you posted these the first time and seem to remember you saying the mom made similar comments about her daughter's weight. I just don't get it.

Weight "problem" or not, you made her look fantastic. I hope she gets out of her parents house as soon as possible (college?) and really blossoms and flourishes without that kind of negativity around. Sheesh!

[J Eddington]

Those comments will never leave her.

[Cajungaltx]

Originally Posted by toverman

I remember when you posted these the first time and seem to remember you saying the mom made similar comments about her daughter's weight. I just don't get it.

Weight "problem" or not, you made her look fantastic. I hope she gets out of her parents house as soon as possible (college?) and really blossoms and flourishes without that kind of negativity around. Sheesh!

Yeah - mom did say stuff like this when we were driving around during her senior session.

It just frustrates me to the nth degree... she's beautiful... and they don't celebrate it ...

[Jenny Z]

Poor girl :( She's not fat at all... and she's gorgeous.

I hope the dad realizes some day what he's done :(

[Cajungaltx]

Originally Posted by CaptainTom

Katy
Not saying something to the dad was a good idea.
If you feel compelled to get into their business ( that's what you'd be doing )
I'd suggest you have a talk with the young lady. Since you photographed her, she knows you and likely respects your opinion.
Tell her how she looks and that trying to be what somebody else thinks is normal is a mistake.
It seems that her mom is OK with her, but the dad has a controlling influence.
If you are on her side, that'll help to offset his ignorance.

I'm glad you are a caring person.

Thanks Tom.... that was my thought process... I didn't want to get into their 'business'.... dad definitely rules the roost in that house... not much of a partnership going on.

I get the BEST comments on her photos... because she is so darn pretty... lol...

[Angelo]

Donna, I sure like people like you!!!!

[lisakitty]

I don't see how anyone can look at these gorgeous pictures and think anything other than "Wow, she's beautiful!"

[HotHolly]

Do NOT engage the parents in a weight war. People are crazy. I see this at both of our businesses - bridal shop and photos. Daughters are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too whatever.

This is what I would do.

During the sale - talk over the critical person. Be sincerely excited. A mutterer will be heard, but an excited energetic - "OMG! You look so stunning in this shot! Look at your little waist and gorgeous eyes!" carries a lot of weight.

Moms do this when taking their kid gown shopping. Some dont realize they are being critical. Others are so afraid of being critical, they say nothing. You can also prompt them. If you say the stuff above and then ask mom - dont you agree? You should get the affirmation the kid wants from the Mom. Most people dont want to say 'no,' so make sure you word it so she feels like she should say 'yes.'

To boost the girls confidence - I would tell her that we are selective about who we put on our website. Since she looks so stunningly beautiful, I am putting several of her shots into our gallery. That always blows people away. If you use models - ask her if she wants to be on your model list. It'll blow her mind (in a really good way).

Next thing -

DADS KILL SALES. They just do. Look at any mall. Go to the womens dept. Notice the 'guy chairs.' Notice how men actually tug on their woman's arm to hurry them with their shopping. Hurried shoppers do not buy a lot of stuff. Hurried shoppers are not emotional shoppers. Emotional purchases (like photos and wedding gowns) take time.

I usually suggest bring mom and the kid to select the photos. If they ask if he can come, say sure. Then I usually ask IS HE HELPFUL WHEN YOU SHOP? If he is - bring him. Otherwise, try to work around him.

Exceptions - 1st time Dad's and baby photos. They usually are excited to see the shots - pick one, and are all done.

And here is the difference -
Meanwhile mom is trying to figure out which ones to buy, where to put them, what frames will look nice, and she is imagining OWNING the prints. Different mind set. You HAVE to entertain dad while mom finishes or her shopping gets cut short. Men like the novelty crap. Photographs dont do anything. Give him albums, board books, puzzles, etc to play with.

Selling to men is harder.

[Cajungaltx]

Originally Posted by J Eddington

Those comments will never leave her.

Janice - I 100% agree with you. I'm 36... and I can remember as a teenager, my dad saying things that he didn't 'mean' to be hurtful... I was the only girl with 7 older brothers, and one younger... he had NO clue how to raise a daughter... and I've long since realized WHY he did it...but it still hurts...

I have 2 daughters... and fortunately, my husband was raised by his mom with his sister... so he does things, naturally, that make us ALL feel beautiful. When he calls, (or I call him) - he says: Hey beautiful. For the girls... with our oldest (almost 12)...he tells her he likes her hair... or that the outfit she has on is stylish... stupid stuff that doesn't matter... except that it does.

I think a girls first 'relationship'... is with their dad... and watching their dad with their mom. It's a key ingredient for having healthy FUTURE relationships... with others, and with themselves.

[carrbowl]

Donna, I was watching a interview with a 6 foot something model, and the interviewer was asking how she kept her girls grounded when she was so beautiful herself....how does she keep them from worrying about their outside beauty with their mom being a model and all the world says about looks...her response..." have you ever seen someone beautiful and then seen them act not so beautiful?" it takes away their beauty...I teach my girls that inside beauty is more important than outside beauty. People will remember your inside beauty...

That woman knows...!!! Hopefully, you can pass this kind of knowledge on to this girl!! I'm like you...I don't know if I could keep my mouth shut...but then again, do you think the guy realizes what he is doing? Sometimes I think as parents we are clueless as to how we influence our kids....

[JohnT]

Originally Posted by Cajungaltx

I think a girls first 'relationship'... is with their dad... and watching their dad with their mom. It's a key ingredient for having healthy FUTURE relationships... with others, and with themselves.

That is a golden nugget of truth right there.

To take it a step further, boys learn how to treat girls by observing how their father treats their mother.

[LynnH]

I agree with Hotholly... try to leave the dad out of the equation altogether.

[Cajungaltx]

Originally Posted by HotHolly

Do NOT engage the parents in a weight war. People are crazy. I see this at both of our businesses - bridal shop and photos. Daughters are too fat, too skinny, too tall, too whatever.

This is what I would do.

During the sale - talk over the critical person. Be sincerely excited. A mutterer will be heard, but an excited energetic - "OMG! You look so stunning in this shot! Look at your little waist and gorgeous eyes!" carries a lot of weight.

Moms do this when taking their kid gown shopping. Some dont realize they are being critical. Others are so afraid of being critical, they say nothing. You can also prompt them. If you say the stuff above and then ask mom - dont you agree? You should get the affirmation the kid wants from the Mom. Most people dont want to say 'no,' so make sure you word it so she feels like she should say 'yes.'

To boost the girls confidence - I would tell her that we are selective about who we put on our website. Since she looks so stunningly beautiful, I am putting several of her shots into our gallery. That always blows people away. If you use models - ask her if she wants to be on your model list. It'll blow her mind (in a really good way).

Next thing -

DADS KILL SALES. They just do. Look at any mall. Go to the womens dept. Notice the 'guy chairs.' Notice how men actually tug on their woman's arm to hurry them with their shopping. Hurried shoppers do not buy a lot of stuff. Hurried shoppers are not emotional shoppers. Emotional purchases (like photos and wedding gowns) take time.

I usually suggest bring mom and the kid to select the photos. If they ask if he can come, say sure. Then I usually ask IS HE HELPFUL WHEN YOU SHOP? If he is - bring him. Otherwise, try to work around him.

Exceptions - 1st time Dad's and baby photos. They usually are excited to see the shots - pick one, and are all done.

And here is the difference -
Meanwhile mom is trying to figure out which ones to buy, where to put them, what frames will look nice, and she is imagining OWNING the prints. Different mind set. You HAVE to entertain dad while mom finishes or her shopping gets cut short. Men like the novelty crap. Photographs dont do anything. Give him albums, board books, puzzles, etc to play with.

Selling to men is harder.

Great suggestion about using her in the gallery... and it's funny you should say this last part. Someone asked me what my target audience was... I told them women. I do maternity, infants, families, seniors... male/female... doesn't matter... but my 'target' is women. They buy with their heart... ;-)

Cajungaltx added 0 Minutes and 58 Seconds later...Double Post Merged Below

Originally Posted by Angelo

Donna, I sure like people like you!!!!

Awww... thanks!