I think she loves me...

[Truckman]

I found this note on my door when I got home:

You vulgar little maggot.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a slug than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beast who sired you and then killed himself in recognition of what he had done. Your daddy was a bastard, your mamma was a whore, and you wouldn't be here if the condom hadn't tore. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you.

You have all the appeal of a booger. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood.

May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs. You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Sheep won't have sex with you––only trash such as yourself.

You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.
And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool.

You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of a used condom. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go. You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have toe jam. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away forever.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me.

After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left.

I don't want to get that close to a touchy-feely woman like that again...I'm glad I've got caller ID......Ben

[Jeff_Green]

Originally Posted by Truckman

I found this note on my door when I got home:I don't want to get that close to a touchy-feely woman like that again...I'm glad I've got caller ID......Ben

Hmmm Well, at least it sounds like she knows you pretty well!

[ChristopherCoy]

GEES! What did she do? Look up every deragatory term in Websters dictionary and see how she could make sentences out of them.

I'd send her back a single business card for a psychiatrist...


ROTFLMAO!!! I dont even know what this means... If you're going to insult me, can you do it in english please?

You smarmy lagerlout git.

[crazeazn]

so what did you do?

[Truckman]

Originally Posted by crazeazn

so what did you do?

I wonder if it had anything to do with slipping out of Landry's and leaving her with the bill?......Ben

[RKEnnis]

LOL!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best...051162624.html

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/

[ChristopherCoy]

Originally Posted by crazeazn

so what did you do?

It might be something he DIDN'T do... LOL

[Daniel Bates]

My metaphorical hat is off to whomever composed the original text. A few minor grammatical errors aside, that is one of the finest approbations for Roget's that I have ever seen.

[Bob_S]

Should could have at least come up with something original. That has been on the net before.

[dpena]

So What Is She Really Trying To Say ?! 8)

[Truckman]

Originally Posted by Bob_S

Should could have at least come up with something original. That has been on the net before.

A good one's always worth a repeat......Ben

[east_tx]

Must have been on the wrong door!!!!!! Everyone knows that neighbor guy is the low down skunk of the neighborhood.

[hitek_man_vn]

Originally Posted by Truckman

I found this note on my door when I got home:I don't want to get that close to a touchy-feely woman like that again...I'm glad I've got caller ID......Ben

try to guess cause she really knows you well :)) got someone in mind. man, be brave.