Family Event vs. Photography Event

[Cajungaltx]

I just got a call from the senior mom at my daughter's school - she's in charge of organizing all of the senior stuff for the school. The photographer that they had contracted with at the first of the year, apparently called in a few weeks ago to confirm the date/time/location, and was told by the office staff that they didn't need his services. That the school photographer would be taking the photographs.

OOPS! He is now booked and can no longer do the event.

So the senior mom talked to the school photographer (who I spent some time with recently showing him how to use actions and droplets, lol!) who suggested that she call me.

I'm 'supposed' to be going to Louisiana for a family reunion this Saturday. My dad's side of the family. 3 hour drive up, 3 hour drive back, show off the kids...make the parents happy... that kind of thing. I want to go... but I know that I'll spend most of the day chasing down the almost 2 year old... and talking to people that I have to be reminded who they are. And taking photos that I'll be giving away for free. But I'll get to see a bunch of relatives, and show off my kids... lol... which is fun. I've got REALLY good kids... and a gorgeous husband that I'm quite proud of.... oh, and I'm not doing to badly myself.

Until the school called, and I have a better offer... maybe?

Here's the deal - they need someone to do the 'shaking hands - diploma' shot and after that (there are 40 graduating students - or there about) - LAST year's photographer setup in the foyer area and did 'family' shots with the graduating student. The exposure is always good...I'd make money on the diploma shot, and on the family shots of course...

My blood runs green.... that's why I'm in sales.

But enough to possibly disappoint my family? Family dynamics are fun at my house... my parents don't like my husband...and my husband doesn't really like my parents... he thinks (as he says) that they like to throw dirt on me, because they don't like being reminded that they are just cut glass, while I'm a diamond (the man has a way with words!)...

But they ARE my parents... and that whole 'honor your parents' thing was drilled into me good. We take a bit of grief at times when we go - they don't attend church, think it's stupid that my daughter tithes, think public school is 'good enough'... they drink like fish...use ALOT of colorful language regardless of who is around....and a couple of summers ago, my then ten year old daughter dropped the 'N' bomb in a conversation with me because of my dad's use of it. I had to EXPLAIN to her what that meant by using the 'mudblood' term from Harry Potter. She didn't KNOW that it was used to describe some of her favorite people in a derogatory term.

My focus, for raising my kids, will always be on character. It's what matters.

*sigh*

But when we leave, I feel like I did my 'duty' to them, by taking the girls to see them, and just biting my tongue... LOTS of tongue biting. I'm the baby... I'm 35... my dad is 67... my step-mom is 65... they are both in good shape... but... a part of me is aware that there is less time ahead of us than there is behind us.

[LEATHERNECK]

Had a similar situation this weekend........took the family side.

[Hogleg 44]

Do the graduation!
It sounds like more people will be needing you at the school than at the reunion.
There will be other reunions.

[gardener]

I'm probably going to get blasted here but...
At some point in my past life, I decided that I wouldn't attend events with people, family or not, that irritated me to death even on their best behaviour days. Most of my family fit into that group but I found that the whining later about me/us not attending some function was still far better than listening to the continual back biting, smart a$$ remarks to each other, and other traits that I didn't want, nor did I want my kids to be around.
Do what you want and if that's doing the graduation exercise photography thing then do it. If the comments start, just remember that if you're grown enough to have kiddos, a husband, and your own home and business then you're grown enough to tell the family that you'll get to them when you have a chance.
Honoring your parents is a nice thought but it has to be an equal relationship, in other words, they have to honor you back as an adult and both sides have to give some to get some. If you don't want to be the subject of their ire then tell them to change the subject of berating you/hubby/kids/church/pick a subject or you'll leave. And then do it...
On the other hand, if you want to show off the rug rats and it gives YOU joy to do so then choose that option.

[texkam]

Hope I'm not too brutal. A couple of thoughts.

But they ARE my parents... and that whole 'honor your parents' thing was drilled into me good

Have they earned that honor?

But when we leave, I feel like I did my 'duty' to them, by taking the girls to see them, and just biting my tongue... LOTS of tongue biting.

Are you going out of love or duty?

[kayumangi]

Or temporarily hire a newb photographer (like me lol) and have them shoot on your behalf. Of course they must appear that they work for you and/or your studio so that you'll get the credit and marketing, not them.

Graduations are less intense than weddings so a lot of newbs (2nd photographers) could surely do it with ease =)

It's a win-win solution. the newb gets the experience, you still get the client, and you get to be with your family.

[Cajungaltx]

Originally Posted by texkam

Hope I'm not too brutal. A couple of thoughts.



Have they earned that honor?



Are you going out of love or duty?

Well...
I didn't think that the ten commandments were multiple choice...

I get what you are saying though.

I'm going out of both actually - love for my parents. I think, the hardest thing to do as a person, is to recognize that your parents are just human. They might not be the parents you wanted them to be... but until you realize the are, who they are.... you do yourself a whole lot more harm wanting them to be someone they aren't ever going to be.

So I go out of both.... love... and duty.

[KimHurt]

When I was in high school we attended a particularly awful family reunion with my Mom's side of the family where my grandparents:
Tried to sneak meat into my food (I'm a vegetarian)
Told my sister she was fat (I'm not sure on what planet a 115 pound 16 year old is fat)
Asked my brother if he was gay
Called my Hispanic boyfriend a wetback (and told him he would go to hell for being Catholic)
Told my brother's Lebanese girlfriend that belly dancing is sinful and she would go to hell too
Ridiculed my Mom's decision to home school us (apparently that makes intellectually deficient)
Told me I would never make as an artist and I should not ask them for money when I am living in a box
Those are the highlights, there was much more but I think that gets the point across. Mom put her foot down that day and told them if they couldn't treat our family with the same respect we showed them we would not be seeing them anytime in the near future. They told her where to shove it and we didn't see them for almost three years. After that they seemed to have a change of heart and we all have a much better relationship now. I don't know that their opinions have changed but if they haven't at least they keep it to themselves now. I think most people (especially family) only give you respect when you demand it.

[ka5txl]

Donna, I had to write my response a couple of times. There will come a time when your parents aren't there anymore. My mom used to always call at the wrong time. But once she was gone I missed those seemly annoying calls. I am getting to where I don't like to go to reunions anymore as there are only 5 members of the generation ahead of me left and 3 are in questionable health. If it where me I would shoot the graduation.

[MT Stringer]

40? That's the graduating class? :-) I keep thinking graduating classes have 700 - 800 like Baytown Lee and Sterling. That's also why they built a third high school!

It's ironic you bring up the subject about family reunions. I just attended a family gathering yesterday on my dad's side of the family. It was good to see those that could make it. One aunt is in bad health and didn't come. I have two more that are pretty old, as is my mother (80). We lost an aunt recently and my cousin called for a gathering.

I'm 60 and some of my cousins are about 5-7 years on either side of me, so time is sipping away. There may be some I never see again.

Good luck in whatever decision you make. It'll work out.
Mike

[sldi]

It really seems like a question of which one you committed to first, then following thru on that commitment.

[rusty_tripod]

Family first in this circumstance. Let them find a photographer who does not have that dilemma this week. As you really begin to value your family for their good qualities,they surprisingly seem to thin out rather quickly and you cannot get what is gone.

[studiocygnet]

How often does that side of the family have a reunion? If they do one every year, don't worry about it and do the graduation. But if the reunion is a rare event, you probably shouldn't miss it.

[Teddington]

Donna, first impressions ...
> This kind of decision isn't made by poll results ... this one's all yours!
> Whether it is love, respect, duty or some combination, I get the sense you think the right thing for you to do is to go.
> If you want to go (as you said you did in the middle of a rant), then go.
> If you don't go, don't let ANYBODY know you skipped a family reunion that was planned to take the job. What kind of message does that put out about you if your market is family and kids.
> If you need the money to support your family, take the job, cause your family comes first. Doesn't sound like you get this pass ...
> If you want to make a break from your family, now is as good a time as any, but if you want to keep the relationship I wouldn't expect much understanding from your parents based on what you said.
> Or, if you want a really wrong reason to go, go rub it in your parents face that you married good, have a great marriage, have great kids who love you and you're successful in your business. There's probably a bunch of aunts and uncles who are really proud of you who would love to see you and the family.

Free advice is what it's worth and I'm probably not the one to be giving any advice about how to deal with family. I took my young kids and moved 2000 miles away - my kids probably didn't see their grandparents a dozen times after they were old enough to remember them. What I do know if that you can't get back lost opportunity for your kids to have time with your parents, assuming you believe in your heart their chance to know their grandparents outweighs any negatives from exposure to their behavior. Some days I regret my kids didn't get that chance. If you've raised them right and keep at it, they'll separate the good from the bad, and it sounds to me like you are.

[Mindy H]

I would take the 2nd shooter route that someone else mentioned so that you could do both. Have someone else shoot...then you process so that you still have a hand in it. The word of mouth from that event sounds great, but I'm one of 4 sisters all graduating from the same high school.....I couldn't even begin to tell you the name of the photographer, what they looked like or anything from any of the 4 grauations. So, other than rubbing elbows with the right administrators for you to get more school work next year, I don't see a ton of student word of mouth coming from that particular event. I haven't done it, so I could be wrong though.

Family is always first.