The wife brought home a laptop from the high school where she's a librarian and has kept it all summer to be returned when school starts up again. All approved by the principle and IT Dept as required...
She hasn't really used it until recently but opened it up several nights ago and turned it on only to have the machine start screaming "HELP! HELP! I'M A STOLEN MACINTOSH LAPTOP!" which it started repeating over and over...

She quickly closed the lid but each time she opened it again, the machine would start over with the "HELP! HELP! I'M A STOLEN MACINTOSH LAPTOP!".
She took it in to the summer IT Department guys who just laughed and said that all their laptops have a "HELP!" program that kicks in when the machine hasn't been started in some number of days... supposed to deter theft as it were.
Don't know which was funnier, the machine hollering HELP! or the look on her face when she heard the plea coming from the laptop.
