What do you do when the grandmother of the bride passes away?

[DoctorWu]

Wasn't sure where to post this, its wedding related but could happen any time.

I recently shot a wedding and I had promised the proofs for this week. I just learned that the grandmother of the bride (who is in several of the photos as you can imagine) passed away yesterday.

I've been fortunate to not have had to deal with very much loss in my own life and I don't really know the appropriate thing to do.

I feel like I should send a note to the mother of the bride (who hired me) expressing my condolances, but should I leave it at that? Should I say anything about the pictures?

[donlfaulkner]

My thoughts; send the note. On the pictures; They know she is in them. I'm sure they would want these. They may be the last pictures they will have of her alive. I'm sure they will treasure them. JMHO

[kenw]

agree with Don, I also think it might be thoughtful to include a few 'extras' that have her in them, especially some of the less-formal shots.

[frameworthy]

A week after a wedding I shot the grooms grandmother (who was his mother figure) passed away. The bride e-mailed me wanting pictures of her for the slideshow, "knowing they weren't ready for proofing." I obliged with low-resolution images offering my condolences. I sent about 3-5 that I deemed the best, not "worried" about "giving away images for free". As it turned out, about half what I sent they ended up including in their package anyways, so it really was no loss to me.

I'm all for good business sense, but the question is where to draw the line on just being a nice guy.

[trac76002]

Definitely include them. I would want them if I were in that situation. They will be very important to the family.

[celticmama36]

Yes, send the note of sympathy, and include all of the photos of grandma that you can. My grandma was my rock, and losing her was devastating for me. I have very few photos of her. These photos will help bring great comfort during this time of grieving, and remembering their special day with grandma in attendance.

If you're wondering about a proper time for proofing...obviously the first week after a death, things are hectic with plans and the funeral, etc. The second week was the hardest emotionally. All of the comfort givers have gone home and you're just left with emptiness. Towards the end of the second week, or after, would likely be the best time to arrange the proofing.

But prepare yourself for the tears, especially if she was very close to her grandma, this being so soon after the fact. It has been 16 years since my grandma died and my daughter was stillborn. I still can't talk about either without getting very emotional. :(

[MicWayWal]

Cliff,

I have had this happen several times. Sometimes it is very emotional for the family. Give them some space. If you were close to the bride send a note of sympathy. If not mention it when she comes to pick up her proofs. Be prepared to give them some space to view the pictures. It may take them a little longer than normal.

[Cajungaltx]

I'd send a note, and include: I know we had scheduled our proofing session for x on x date, but please don't hesitate to let me know if you would like to reschedule for next week.

A.) Gives them the option to NOT reschedule - or to reschedule.
B.) You are seen as flexible and understanding.
C.) Keeps it from being a 'someday' thing.

[danchez]

Originally Posted by MicWayWal

Cliff,

I have had this happen several times. Sometimes it is very emotional for the family. Give them some space. If you were close to the bride send a note of sympathy. If not mention it when she comes to pick up her proofs. Be prepared to give them some space to view the pictures. It may take them a little longer than normal.

I'm not booking you for my wedding!!!

Sorry, thought this conversation could use a bit of levity.