The weekend at Bernies Murder- A true tale

[Murph]

Since the case is now over, I can tell the tale. 01-01-08 I get a call at 0800 hours since I am the on call investigator. The Sgt of Patrol tells me that they have a dead body in a yard, and he needs me to come out. It is cold, really cold (well for us Texans it is), so I drive out to a dirt road with some houses on it. While enroute, they call and tell me the guy has a stab wound in his chest, and he is DRT (Dead Right There). Being that this is my very first homicide to investigate, I have to call my LT. He calls the Sheriff, the Texas Ranger, and more investigators. So I get there, and Patrol has six guys, not in custody, but detained. Our dead guy is just laying there, not doing a whole lot except being dead. LT arrives, Sheriff arrives, Texas Ranger arrives, we walk up to the first guy and ask; "What went on here?" He replies; "No habla Ingles". More phone calls for spanish speakers. Narcotics LT arrives and speaks to the guys. They tell us: "We don't know how he got there (the dead guy), you could ask around maybe?"

More questions, desperate need of coffee, Find out the killer has fled, possibly to Mexico, this after freezing our @sses off for three hours, and working the scene. Odd, no blood around the body, almost no blood on the body. Hmmmmm. More coffee. Take the suspects down to the office for questioning. "No Habla". End up with a list of 17 people to talk to, no one speaks english, all are here illegally, great, just great. More coffee, and a McDonald's psuedo food. Its now 1600, tempers are flaring, out of coffee. The people are now talking to us we discover that the body had been moved. Aha! The plot thickens! Then we find out it had been moved again. And Again, and yet again. WTF?! I ask the Ranger if this is normal, and he tells me; "Compared to what?"

Get together, sort it out, and discover here is the chain of events:

Dead guy gets into a fight with killer over an incident that occurred 10 years ago in Mexico, he gets stabbed with a 3" blade knife, which penetrates between the ribs, cuts the Aorta, and nicks the heart. He dies according to the M.E. in about 90-120 seconds. Blood alcohol level was .28, way, way up there. Five friends who are there, are also drunk. They decide to take him to the hospital. So they put the now-dead guy in a car. Drive to end of road. Have flat tire, so turn around. Drive to different house. Unload dead guy, take him inside, and make him comfortable on the sofa. Drink another beer, due to hard work. Decide to make dead guy feel better, so they clean him up with rubbing alcohol, and splash some on his face "To make him feel better" (I AM NOT KIDDING). Owner of house tells them to get the dead guy off his sofa, he is leaking. Pick up dead guy, put him back in car, remember to change tires. Drive to end of road, decide to get another beer before going to the hospital, turn around go back to original house. Get dead guy out of car, drink beer. Homeowner yells to STFU or she is calling the cops. Pick up body, carry across a fence to the field, drop body (where he is found) because he is heavy, and they need a beer. Leave body, and go drink a beer. Neighbor wakes up, sees body in yard, freaks, calls cops. 22 hours later I know more or less what happened, find out the Rest Of The Story over a two week period.

Murderer has fled to Oklahoma where his is living in a hotel under an assumed name. Local Swat detonates a flash bang about 2' above his head as they serve the warrant. He needed clean underwear.

And that is how I found my crime scene. It was described in trial as "The Weekend at Bernies murder" by the Texas Ranger. We lost the case because the defense lawyer destroyed the citizen witnesses on the stand. It was tragic, but he just destroyed them. Thus ends my first (but unfortunately not the last) homicide case I have investigated. Murderer ends up deported.

[HeatherLou]

Oh wow, just wow! I know its a sad situation, because someone lost their life....but the title of your story is apt!

[ngoduyviet]

Whoever thought of the name is very clever :) Thanks for sharing Murph.

[zebulus]

Wow....what is wrong with people today?

[Murph]

I did when asked by a prosecutor WTF happened to the body.

Originally Posted by ngoduyviet

Whoever thought of the name is very clever :) Thanks for sharing Murph.

[MHampton]

Hey Murph. In case no one has said it lately, Thanks for what you do!

[Breezy]

That is crazy.
Sorry you lost the case.

[TxLerman]

I'm still laughing and I read this story three times. Especially the part where Murph says "He needed clean underwear. And that is how I found my crime scene". At first read, I though the underwear was the "crime scene".

[Murph]

I hated coffee until I got this job, now its the Staff of Life.

[sldi]

I used to think TX cops were a bunch of heavy handed SOB's...(I have been stopped more times in TX while just driving than all other states combined), but the longer I live here, I see what kind of stupid stuff they are up against and realize that an equal amount of force most be presented to level the playing field