Aging gracefully

[J Eddington]

$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet, a mere child! Senior citizen?

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?

"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing.
That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.

[snidow]

LOL great story!

I decided a while back that if it saves me money they can call me old all day long and I'm 47.

[klynam]

Now that's funny right there...

[C!LLY]

I got flustered when someone called me 30 when I was 26. it didnt matter that the little tramp hit my car, I was pissed that she called me 30!


I am still not yet 30, and am dreading 50.

I loved this story though. it's cute.

[ggeen]

I like the story, very cute. I've been getting that treatment at church lately. I haven't hit 45 yet...just 5 more glorious months of 44-dom.

[Wil_Bloodworth]

That's funny!

See you tonight Janice!

- Wil

[donlfaulkner]

umm...uh...It only gets worse.

[J Eddington]

I think I am just starting to relate. Have you ever gotten into the wrong car? I did a couple of years ago. You know you come out of a store carring bags and walk up to what you thought was your car, open the door........and as your tush starts to hit the seat....your mind goes... where is my soda (that was in the center console) and this smells funny. Then you realize that this is NOT your car. You scramble to grab your stuff and get out. My car was two down hidden by a big old van. You look around like did anyone see me? I think how could I make this mistake. I step back to compare the cars. They are exactly the same. The same amount of dirt, color faded, wheels with brake dust, I mean EXACTLY, but the license plates. I still feel stupid :)

[Fireball]

That is too funny! Thanks for the laugh. And I'm 48 too. Great number!!!

[BodyLinesImages]

LOL...Janice......I told you not to tell anyone!

Robert

[Angelo]

O Janice, I resemble that remark....
Thank you so much - I needed a good laugh today.

[RobertK]

obviously you youngsters haven't figured out that life don't begin till 50!
I can vouch for that, as I can still remember when I turned 50. although I will admit I don't remember where I was. :)

doc told me not to worry, just a symptom of early onset alszheimers, whatever that is.

ask me about the time I was traveling and made a stop to hopefully pick up a couple of rolls of tmax b&w, oh, sorry. (that would be film) this youngster looked at me like I was stupid and told me that Kodak hadn't made black and white film in years!

I may be old, but glad I'm not ....uh, glad i'm not........back to this later :-)

[Angelo]

Ever get up at night, walk into the bathroom and forgot what was it you went there for?

Not that this ever happened to me....