Do you put yourself in 'those' types of situations?

[Cajungaltx]

Brad is currently at a different location than usual waiting for some equipment to come in to take back to where he normally is located. He called earlier today around midnight his time, and I asked him how his day was going and his response was way different than usual. "Not so good, actually not good at ALL."

Uh oh.

He tells me he withdrew cash from our account to send the girls a couple gifts home....he had withdrawn cash the day before for the same thing, but he went out with one of the guys whose part of the unit where he's at - a Captain - who has quite a bit of rank on him and ended up spending more than he realized.

Internally I'm thinking: "That's not a 'huge' deal - I'm the money person, and I'm kind of anal about it....so....maybe he had some bad food?"

Then he proceeds to tell me about how they decided to go get some food, and when they got there and were waiting on a table, the Captain approached a couple of women who were there alone and invited them to join him and Brad for the evening.

At this point, my stomach dropped out....husband saying 'not so good'....in that tone....and then following it up with that....

Fortunately, the women declined the Captain's invite....and Brad and he ate dinner and headed back. For Brad, it's not a 'line in the sand' kind of behavior....it's a line in concrete/dipped in steel....and it's one he doesn't cross....it's one thing, if it's the female soldiers that are part of his unit and they are eating dinner as a unit - but this was way different from Brad's perspective.

The Captain is married as well... and Brad thought they were of the same position on what occurs during deployments....i.e. you just 'do without'....but he did the tough thing and when they got back to the tent explained to the Captain that he's married, and if Brad hadn't gotten the point across during previous discussions about the whole 'what happens on deployments, stays on deployments' issue...he was clearing it up - he doesn't 'do dinner' with other women, or anything else with 'other women' while he's deployed and that if that's the type of behavior the Captain is gonna be engaging in - he'll just hang out in the tent until they head back to their base.

That was last night....and the Captain hasn't spoken with him all day....

But I'm curious....for the women....are you comfortable with your SO's in those kind of situations? Do you have a 'line in the sand' agreement with your SO? And for the guys....innocent invite or something else? Do you have an 'internal' line in the sand position for yourself?

[donlfaulkner]

Captain was, and still is, wrong. Kudos to Brad.

[CaptainTom]

Capt. is likely embarrassed and Brad should be friendly with him to 'smooth over' the situation. I assume Brad is not as high a rank! Capt. should have never put him in a situation like that without some previous discussion of the topic.

I used to have sex all the time when I was deployed...........but being alone doesn't count.

[shamrock]

I'm glad Brad made himself clear to the Captain. My hubby is working on his fifth year overseas, and has told me he refuses to put himself in any position that could lead to misunderstanding. For instance, he tends to avoid the "social" type activities on the base, such as the dances and even the movie nights. That's his choice, it doesn't bother me too much.

However, he did have a female officer (he's a civilian) "hit on him so hard it left bruises" a couple of years ago. She was being rather obvious about her interest, he was being intentionally obtuse and ignoring the attention, and she finally just came out and propositioned him. It was awkward for him, since she was in a position that he had to deal with daily.

Kudos to Brad.

[Cajungaltx]

Thanks guys.... this was pretty much my take on it - glad to know I wasn't totally off base....I told Brad that the Cap might be a bit embarrassed about the fact that Brad recognized the behavior for what it was, and wasn't going to get in a situation where 'it was an accident' waiting to happen...

And no Tom - E5 ;-) a bit of a stretch to Captain... ;-)

[toverman]

We're all human. The best way to not get into trouble is to stay as far away from temptation as possible. Your husband is a good man.

[dbphotos]

My rule since married. No matter how innocent, no lunches, dinners, etc. with other women alone -always with other people if needed for work (and certainly never for pleasure), even confidential meetings with females in my office were always with the door at least cracked open, if not all the way open, etc. Brad did the right thing and I think what Tom said is probably correct, Capt. is probably embarassed or thinking about the situation. Brad said what was on his mind, just act like nothing happened and go about business as usual.

[danchez]

is this a conservative texas thing? what's wrong with going out to dinner or lunch or whatever? as long as you are clear that you are married or in a relationship.

[ldelacruz]

I got in big trouble Saturday night! We rarely go out but the one night we did the drunk lady in the bar had to focus her attention on me even though my wife was sitting right next to me!

[Breezy]

Well I guess my husband and I are different cause I have had meals with guys, heck Steven Gibson from here and I keep saying we need to meet up when he is down this way or I am up that way. DH knows me and trusts me as I do him. We don't have a huge problem with it.
Heck he usually doesn't have a meal with other females but I remember on one deployment there were 2 women in Dubai I believe that he had dinner with. They have buddy system now and they have to stay with their buddy. He was on the phone with me when the "buddy" asked them to sit down with them. The buddy was single and hooked up with the one. Dh sat and talked with the other "waiting" for the buddy. Heck they talked about their spouses and kids, showed pics and she even spoke to me for a min or 2 on the phone. So no I don't have a problem with it cause I know and so does dh that nothing will/would happen.

[Breezy]

Originally Posted by ldelacruz

I got in big trouble Saturday night! We rarely go out but the one night we did the drunk lady in the bar had to focus her attention on me even though my wife was sitting right next to me!

hahaha I hate when that happens. Now that pisses me off lol

[babybluetx23]

i guess i am one of the wierd wives. I completly and totally trust my husband 110 percent. i dont have an issue with him going to lunch or dinner with another woman. i dont have an issue with him talking to other women or IMing other women or even talking to them on the phone. He has NEVER given me a reason not to trust him, so why start now?
it is a VERY difficult thing for a lot of spouses to understand and i can understand that and respect that. you have to do what works for you in your marriage. if drawing lines in the sand work for your marriage then go for it, if it doesnt, then dont do it. its all about communication and trust and respect for eachother. what works for you may not work for the next couple.

[CaptainTom]

My wife and I were sitting in a restaurant when a beautiful blonde came over, gave me a very seductive hug and kiss and said " Can't wait 'till we see each other again Tom".....
Once the wife got over being flustered she said "who the hell is that ?".

I said " that's my mistress ". The wife said "your mistress, well we're done, I'm getting a divorce".

I said " remember dear that if you leave you will not have the mercedes, the pool, the mink, the huge house, and the very generous bank account any more ".

She was flustered again, and that was when our neighbor came through the door with a beautiful half dressed red head on his arm. She gathered enough together to ask " who the hell is that with Dave? "

I said "That's HIS mistress !!"

She said " well,,,,, ours is better looking !"

P.S. drawing a line in the sand doesn't work in the middle east. Five minutes after you've drawn it, it has disappeared.

[Imagebuffet]

Your husband sounds like a good man. What he did was noble and principled. I hope the captain is mature and honorable enough to respect your husband's position.

I used to have lines that I wouldn't cross, and maybe I still do. I am wondering if I should change them.

[Breezy]

Originally Posted by babybluetx23

i guess i am one of the wierd wives. I completly and totally trust my husband 110 percent. i dont have an issue with him going to lunch or dinner with another woman. i dont have an issue with him talking to other women or IMing other women or even talking to them on the phone. He has NEVER given me a reason not to trust him, so why start now?
it is a VERY difficult thing for a lot of spouses to understand and i can understand that and respect that. you have to do what works for you in your marriage. if drawing lines in the sand work for your marriage then go for it, if it doesnt, then dont do it. its all about communication and trust and respect for eachother. what works for you may not work for the next couple.

You said it much better than I did :D