Open Letter to “Little League” Parents

[Photoholic]

I found this letter this morning while I was online. Just wanted to share, I found it totally hilarious.

http://blog.timesunion.com/eastgreen...e-parents/169/


Yesterday, it was 90 degrees and sunny and our Little League and Girl’s Softball leagues kicked off their seasons–it was a great day. In honor of that, I have written a letter to “some” parents on behalf of the coaches and volunteers that get stuck doing all the work for the kids…

Dear Parent:

I am your child’s coach this year, so I wanted to introduce myself and provide some important
information.

First of all, let me just say that your child is the best player that I have ever coached, even though I have not yet met him/her. On the occasions that he/she is not in the game, it is not due to his/her .038 batting average or his/her inability to pick up a non-moving ball, but rather various hidden agendas and mental shortcomings on my part. Surely your future Division I scholarship athlete will succeed once a coach more qualified than me takes the reigns.

Second, I would like to thank you in advance for not meddling in any of that pesky “work” surrounding the ball field. Surely that “field cleanup day” nonsense is for other parents, not you. After all, you have done enough for the baseball/softball community by producing gifted offspring that can round the bases in just under 3 minutes thanks to your superior DNA. By the same token, thank you for not hogging up any of the pre-game rituals such as raking or lining the fields. It is with great joy that I rush to rake a field in 95 degree heat while you sit in your comfy shaded lawn chair eating the hot dog you bought from the concession stand. Impressing this behavior on your son/daughter must have been hard work, but clearly it has paid off—I am certain that he/she will be the first out of the dugout after each game, leaving me the cherished souvenirs of a half-full Gatorade bottle and 47 bubble gum wrappers.

Thank you for leaving the coaching to me and me alone. Choosing to play catch in the yard with your own kid could have proved costly, resulting in caught balls, good form and quality time with your child. Your approach of attending 2 of the 17 practices and then yelling at your kid for not turning an unassisted triple play is probably the way to go, too. I am sure his/her practice attendance was inspired by your own impressive attendance at concession duty. The Board Member on Duty appreciates the joy of running the fryer, grill and cash register as you stare out the window watching your kid purposely throw the ball from shortstop to deep left center because he/she thought that’s where the play was.

As always, every day is “pit bull day” at the ball park. Nothing says “we’re classier than the soccer people” like rolling out of your el camino with a horde of slobbering attack dogs. Dog bites build character and those children who do survive such a canine attack will certainly praise you for assisting in such a learning experience as they limp around the bases.

Babe Ruth smoked at the ball park, so by all means so should you. Please continue to ignore the “No Smoking” signs and PA announcements. Those are meant for other people. And don’t worry about your cigarette butts…the losers that go to field cleanup day will take care of those.

Again, thank you for teaching your son/daughter about good sportsmanship and good citizenship. Please keep up the good work by continuing to complain about everything from the umps to the weather to the length of the 50/50 salesperson’s arms when you spring for the arm’s length. After all, fundraising is for other people, and you deserve a string of tickets measured out by the limbs of Manute Bol himself.

I apologize in advance for not meeting your expectations as a coach and I thank you for letting me share a dugout with your future Olympian.

Best Regards,

“Coach”

[linque]

Awesome! I forwarded it to my son's coach. He'll love it.

[texkam]

.....or sending your kid to a game with no shoes.

Had it happen in basketball. Not just no "athletic" shoes, we're talking no shoes at all. One of my other players wore the same size so he borrowed his while he was not in the game. Ah, those were the days.

[Photoholic]

Or "my" favorite dropping off your 5 year old for practice...leaving and then showing up late to pick them up. Lovely!

[dmcantrell]

ahahaha, classic internet comedy gold