What would you do?

[shutterfire]

Here is the scenario. 1ST summer that my daughter is home from college. We have a good relationship. I want to treat her more like an adult, because she is one. However my fathers words are haunting me after she did not come home until 5:30am without a phone call or text. My Dad always said "my house my rules if you cant live by my rules then get your own house and pay for it yourself". My wife says "oh she will only be here probably this summer and then she will start moving on with her life so lets cut her some slack". I say part of being an adult if having enough respect to tell the ones you love where you are. Besides nothing good ever happens after midnight. So my plan is just to hit the nail on the head and have a long discussion about the respect issue. She is a really great student that has made the deans list again. But for her safety, and my sanity this kind of spreading her wings and pushing the boundaries is getting a new line drawn in the sand.

[texkam]

nothing good ever happens after midnight

Years ago, my wife-to-be and I would often be at my grandma's until the wee small hours. My father-in-law was always a little suspicious until he met her. Good times and a great lady , so sometimes it can be good clean fun. Having said that...

part of being an adult if having enough respect to tell the ones you love where you are.

That's the key. You care about her and she should also care enough about you. It's more like my house, you're subject to my feelings. Yep, have an honest discussion.

[Dobick]

I will say this -- back when I was home after going to college, I knew that even though I had freedom, that coming in at 5:30 am without so much as a "how do you do!" to my folks was a very uncool move, and would lead to a confrontation. Not a bad one, but a reestablishment of rules.

I knew I was wrong back then, and I am sure your daughter knows that staying out that late without notifying you is equally as wrong.

She is testing the waters, and you need to make sure she realizes that you don't condone it.

It really doesn't have to be a long drawn out speech or discussion either -- just a simple statement of -- "you were out til 5:30 and didn't even let us know that you would be out that late. Not cool! Don't make a habit of it."

[ElanR]

I would call Chuck Norris and ask him what he would do! Failing that, I would listen to the wife..

[texkam]

What if she came in at 5:30 and you all were gone without any heads up or explanation?

[HotHolly]

Talk to her. Its hard to be on your own and then come home. At the same time, parents will always worry. It is nice to know if she'll be back that night or not. And I woulda been locked out if I did that. You sleep different if you know people are coming and going from your house in the middle of the night. Ask her what she thinks you should ask her to do.

[danchez]

"Sweetie, we're glad that you are staying with us this summer but I have 1 simple request. If you are going to be out so late, could you at least text us and let us know."

Short, sweet, simple.

[texxter]

I would approach this in a manner similar to Dan's - it's less about rules or respect and more about caring. You care about her safety and want to be reassured she's ok, so a courtesy call or text does that without inflicting on her independence. It's a fine line to walk between respecting her adult autonomy and being able to sleep without worries.

For what it's worth, from another parent not facing these issues yet (my girl is in first grade )

[DSL_PWR]

My house, my rules... Can't follow them, there is the door...

[CaptainTom]

somebody comes through my door at 5:30 gets greeted with a shotgun.

[K.D.didit]

my oldest is 21... when he came home from college the first summer, we had the same issue. I just told him matter-of-factly, if you are not going to be here for dinner, please call/text... if you are not going to come home, please call/text.... etc (you get the picture!) there was no screaming or yelling, just that we needed to know if we should worry or not :)

[J Eddington]

My son was in college and had moved back home. I will never forget the first time we stay out overnight and didn't call home to check in with the son. We get this panic call in the am, Mom where are you, you and dad didn't come home last night. Opps, forgot he was back home and that we needed to check in with him too. It totally freeked him out.
But yes just ask simply for her to let you know when you need to worry if she doesn't come home.


Quote:nothing good ever happens after midnight

I have always thought that this was the most stupid statement I have ever heard. The same stuff happens all hours of the day and every day of the week. Nothing magic happens at midnight to make things go bad (but do watch out for drunks when the bars close).
For me mostly good happened after midnight. At midnight when I was dating that is when the local ice cream joint shut down the ice cream machine and if you were around you got free ice cream (well, if they knew you and liked you)!
And when my own kids were growing up, I learned more about them and their friends after midnight. They let their guard down more and talked alot more.

[Redneck]

Been there (my daughter is turning 21 next month). I truly believe there is not much you can do about it. I mean she has been on her own at college with no supervision and it obviously worked well. She will not go back to be your little child again. If you try to make her follow "your rules" you'll risk to lose her at all.
Again, my daughter is turning 21 next month and she's barely coming home anymore.

[shutterfire]

Originally Posted by J Eddington

My son was in college and had moved back home. I will never forget the first time we stay out overnight and didn't call home to check in with the son. We get this panic call in the am, Mom where are you, you and dad didn't come home last night. Opps, forgot he was back home and that we needed to check in with him too. It totally freeked him out.
But yes just ask simply for her to let you know when you need to worry if she doesn't come home.


Quote:nothing good ever happens after midnight

I have always thought that this was the most stupid statement I have ever heard. The same stuff happens all hours of the day and every day of the week. Nothing magic happens at midnight to make things go bad (but do watch out for drunks when the bars close).
For me mostly good happened after midnight..

Janice all do respect intended and thank you so much for your response! but I disagree with you on this account. I have been an ER Nurse for 20 years let me tell you. A lot more bad happens at night I have seen it all. Robbery, mugging ,Rape, Murder, Car Jackings, Assaults, Domestic Violence, Gang Violence, DUI's, Killed by a drunk driver, wrong way down the freeway,I could go on and on yes it does happen during the daytime However I have worked days and the majority of my career have worked nights. I can tell you the worst seems to happen at night. Maybe I am a little jaded because of my career and fear the worst. Currently work in admin. but still see it all. I have seen well over 3,000 people die in this career and have saved thousands more. The only reason I know that is one night it was slow and we gave an average of how many deaths we as nurses have personally seen in our career. Never thought of it until then and started adding up the averages per week. Wow was I was amazed. No wonder we get a little jaded. Thanks again though for your input.

[Digigeek]

Who's paying for the college?

Our rule is in our house or on our nickel, our rules apply.