A Christmas treasure

[Murph]

This ALWAYS meant Christmas for me when living in Japan. When you heard this on AFN, it was Christmas

Dougherty the DJ, circa 1973

`Christmas in the Paddies'
BY JIM DOUGHERTY, TABUN
(Adapted from Clement Clarke Moore's poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas")

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
The cold would awaken the sleepiest mouse.
The stockings were hung by the space heater with care
In the hopes that St. Nick-san would soon be there.
And I in my blanket, with the heat turned on high
Had just settled down–oyasumi nasai.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Mom was checking the oil drums and as mad as a hatter.
I threw open the window and peered through the plastic.
Gomen nasai darling, don't do anything drastic.
I had forgotten to order some more of the stuff,
And it looked as if Christmas would be kind of rough.
The moon on the breast of the gravel and snow
Gave the luster of midday to the compound below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a chisai sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
A little ol' honcho, so lively and quick.
I could tell by his accent, he must be St. Nick.
More rapid than jet forces he came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
Now Dozo, now Daijobu, now Chotto and Matte,
On Soba, on Sushi, on Ah So Desuka.
(Because of the unions I suppose over here,
He probably employs Japanese reindeer).
As fast as lightening, he entered the door
And opened his furoshiki and dumped on the floor
Dozens of packages and gifts of all sizes,
Just what the kids wanted plus extra surprises.
I was so happy I wanted to squeeze 'im
Christmas would be merry, even though we were freezin'…
Thank you, I said, You're such an old dear,
Domo arigato, as they say over here.
But how did you ever find this place?
We worried that maybe you just went on base.
His eyes, how they twinkled; "Now don't ever tell,
But I don't go by rank or key personnel…"
What did you bring me? I wanted to know.
He shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of tofu.
"Well, you private renters sure need a lot,
But for you, it's something special I got;
It's much too big to go under the tree,
So look out in the yard and you will see,
To keep peace in the family, you know what I mean,
Your gift is a drumful of kerosene.
And now I'd better be off, for I'm on TDY
And it's quite a trip back to the good ol' ZI"
He sprang from his sleigh and to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like the thrust of a missile.
But I heard him exclaim as they drove out of sight,
"Christmas Omedeto and to all a good night!"

"From there it came together as a recording in only three takes.
When it aired on `Tokyo Calling' the following Sunday, the telephones
lit up with requests for encores and copies," Dougherty recalled.

"Christmas in the Paddies" instantly became a holiday classic for
military personnel and civilians in Japan. From 1973 to 1990, it was
the most requested Christmas song on FEN (finally knocked out of the
No. 1 spot by "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" by Elmo and
Patsy).

However, years after "Paddies" was recorded, its origins became
shrouded in mystery. Many long-time FEN listeners, including
Weekender's own Corky Alexander and Wayne Graczyk, claimed to have
heard "Paddies" before Dougherty recorded it. Wayne investigated, and
in the Weekender 1982 Christmas edition he wrote
he had found a web of conflicting stories.

Apparently, popular FEN announcer Gary Kolasa recorded a Christmas
parody. But Kolasa, when asked, refuted actually authoring "Paddies,"
and he did his last show for FEN on Dec. 1, 1972, a year before
Dougherty says he wrote the thing.

Then Milt Radmilovich, FEN Program Director in the mid-1960s, gave
his vague two cents worth: "It was written in the mid- to late- '60s
by an Army or Air Force man, possibly stationed at Misawa."

Enter Kevin Krejcarek, a station announcer in the mid-1970s.
Krejcarek originally pointed to Kolasa as the author, but then
claimed to have found a Japanese base employee who remembered being
taught "Paddies" by her English teacher as far back as 1955.

The following week, Radmilovich called the Weekender offices with a
fresh lead. Rumor had it "Paddies" was written some time in the 1950s
by Jean Lovering, a military dependent wife at Misawa. Or perhaps it
was Iwakuni?

Radmilovich's source was long-time FEN listener John Suchy, assistant
principal of the Sullivan Elementary School at Yokosuka Naval Base.

Suchy was contacted, and confidently cited a Christmas 1961 article
in Pacific Stars and Stripes. Stripes' senior writer Hal Drake was
brought in, and he agreed to check the archives. But Drake's search
turned up nothing.

"Christmas in the Paddies" had become a Christmas mystery story, with
strange powers to induce collective memory loss, mass confusion and
maybe even the unexplainable disappearance of printed articles.

At the same time, the military lifestyle referred to in the poem was
also receding. In the 1950s, '60s and '70s, many military and
civilian personnel lived in off-base housing. Essential on a cold
Christmas Eve (and throughout the winter) were the kerosene space
heaters, rarely found today.

The houses also had no insulation, so it was necessary to cover the
windows with plastic sheets to keep out the freezing, brutal wind.

Now, most military families are housed on-base, in centrally-heated
tower apartments.



The two strands of the story converged in 1990. FEN chiefs decided to
have a clear-out of their archives and throw away old records that
were no longer played. It is believed someone decided modern
listeners could no longer understand or relate to "Christmas in the
Paddies," and the master tape was destroyed.

In a final twist this year, Dougherty, now writing the "Business
Scan" column for Weekender, found original drafts at his home (see
above), which perhaps, after all, proves his authorship of "Paddies."

He contacted some Japan FEN veterans to try to clear up some of the
mystery. Two of them, Bob Barker and Dick Edwards, recalled in the
late 1960s a housewife from Yokosuka sent in another parody that
became popular–"Santa Claus is Coming to Town." And there were other
parodies going around. But nobody had a copy. And none could remember
any words.

[Murph]