Photography Joke

[craigb456]

Heres a joke a found a few days ago post your favorite jokes here

The Jones didn't have any children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, "I'm off, honey. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell with the hopes of making a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come to....."
"Oh, there's no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Jones cut in.
"You have?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's exactly what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked a blushing Mrs. Jones.
"You just leave everything to me," he replied. "Usually, I try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for George and me," stated Mrs. Jones.
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. However, if we try several different positions, and I shoot from five or six angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I certainly hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Jones.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I would love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!" exclaimed Mrs. Jones. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in the downtown area," he proudly declared.
"Oh my word!" Mrs. Jones exclaimed.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, considering the fact that their mother was so difficult to work with," he said, handing Mrs. Jones the photograph.
"She was difficult?" Mrs. Jones asked.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Central Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing and shoving to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Jones, her eyes the size of saucers.
"Yes," said the photographer. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. It was very difficult for me to concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
"You mean they actually chewed on your, umm, equipment?" Mrs. Jones asked.
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod?" asked a very worried Mrs. Jones.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action."
"Madam, madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"

[groovyone]

Hahahhaa

[Sonny]

Rofl!

[r0xikat]

that's a lot to promise a woman

[craigb456]

I do a lot of portraits of models, sometimes they're in bikinis or lingere. One day a friend of mine asked if I ever shot one nude. I said, "No, the studio floor gets cold, so I usually leave my socks on."

[craigb456]

You are on a photo shoot by the stormy seaside , ten foot waves are crashing down, and suddenly you notice President Obama getting out of a car to visit the scene of destruction.
Just as you are getting ready to take a shot, a huge wave washes him and his staff into the terrible waters - only you are left on land.
You can either save the President by throwing him a rope, or take a unique shot of him drowning.

You terrible dilema, you only have a second to decide:


Do you use wide angle, or telephoto to zoom in?

[ggeen]

^^ too funny.

[craigb456]

Three photogs are in the men's room at the urinal. A Canonian, Nikonian, and the other a Sonyian. The Sony guy finishes his business first. He simply zips his fly and heads for the door. As he was leaving, the Canon and Nikon guy turns their head towards him and they say "Excuse me, but us Canon and Nikon photogs wash our hands when we are finished urinating". The Sony guy says " I understand, but us Sony guys don't pee on our hands"

[John_A]

Grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender says we have a drink named after you - the grasshopper says reeeallly you have an Erwin?

[LWimages]

A police officer detained and questioning a photographer for murder after the officer overheard the photographer saying: "I shot my wife and daughter the other day on my daughter's birthday"

[Sonny]

What did Cinderalla say when she left the photo store?
Someday my prints will come.

How does Santa Claus take pictures?
With his North Polearoid.

A fellow bought a Labrador puppy from the pet store and named him Kodak.
That way he could say he owned a Kodak lab.

[ggeen]

Originally Posted by Sonny

A fellow bought a Labrador puppy from the pet store and named him Kodak.
That way he could say he owned a Kodak lab.

The same reason I wanted two German Shepard's named Smith, and Wesson. That way I could say my house is protected by Smith & Wesson.

Good jokes. Keep 'em comming.

[lfmerrell]

My offering. Been married to the same woman 52.5 years. This I can see happening.

HIS AND HER DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY:

*
Her Diary:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.* He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.* Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
*

*
His Diary:

Boat wouldn't start, can't figure out*why.

The end

[TheFantasticG]

I have to say, Lewis's joke made me laugh the most!

[SJHester]

I have a friend who has been married for 40 years, I asked him the secret of such a long marriage... He told me when he got married, he took his wife to europe for their honeymoon. Told me next year he planned to go back and get her.