DFW Baribie

[ScoobyRoo20]

A friend of mine sent this to me through MySpace... enjoy

Mattel recently announced the release of limited edition Barbie Dolls
for the Dallas market:

PLANO BARBIE
This princess Barbie is only sold at Willowbend Mall. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long haired foreign
Lapdog named Honey, and a cookie- cutter dream house with a saguaro cactus in
front. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic
ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.

RICHARDSON BARBIE
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar mini-van
and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation
or secondary education. Traffic- jamming cell phone sold separately. Can
swear in English, Spanish or Chinese. Available at Target.

OAK CLIFF BARBIE
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, Bowie knife, a
'78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only
available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small
bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking
about.

PARK CITIES BARBIE
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club
membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking Nanny.
This University Park Barbie hasn't been affordable since the early 1980's.

MESQUITE BARBIE
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants
to major in NASCAR at Eastfield College. She has a six-pack of Coors Light
and a Hank Williams,Jr CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick
mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and
get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross or at
special locations in Canton on First Mondays.

GARLAND BARBIE
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out
of Mesquite Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip-gloss, and a
see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at
Wal-Mart. Cheap.

NORTH DALLAS BARBIE
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print Spandex
and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the lodge. Into
crystals. Comes with Perkaset prescription and botox. Also cheap.

GRAND PRAIRIE BARBIE
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass to UTA. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were
available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the
infant.

DENTON BARBIE
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She
prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Oak Lawn Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon,
you get a rainbow flag sticker free.

MCKINNEY BARBIE
Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way.
We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in Japan on
business. McKinney Barbie aspires to become Plano Barbie. Not cheap but
still very naive.

WEST DALLAS BARBIE
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired
temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This
is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer's
uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are
not yet available for West Dallas Barbie or Ken. Available at Carnival or
Fiesta Stores only.

OAK LAWN BARBIE/ KEN
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to experiment

dislaimer: This is not meant to offend anyone

[Digital Prophet]

Originally Posted by ScoobyRoo20

DENTON BARBIE
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She
prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken
doll, but if you purchase two Oak Lawn Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon,
you get a rainbow flag sticker free.

Prophet out.

[Joshua]

hilarious

[Hogleg 44]

My Sister-in-Law is a Barbie Collector. Maybe this will break her...!

[lscottpht]

Too funny! But, you need to add double D implants to the Plano Barbies!! Actually, there should be a separate Barbie for the Glen Eagles women of Plano. They are in a category all their own. We even heard about them when I lived in Austin!

[Davidtxs]

and you forgot the special edition Divorce Barbie it comes with all of kens stuff