The Cult of the Grande ....

[Digital Prophet]

There is an underground movement that is gripping America. A scourge that is more serious than tax reform, barbed wires fences and gas prices. There is a shadow puppet master affecting all our lives. A group of maniacal individuals that have almost completely taken over our society. The Cult of the Grande.

Oh sure, you think that you don't know what I am talking about. But I bet you do. You just know them as .... Starbucks.

A tall? A grande? A venti? Oh give me a damn break. What ever happened to small medium and large? Don't tell me that you don't have a damn small. "Sir, we have the tall. the grande and the venti."



So what you are saying is that you saying is you have three sizes. One of them is smaller than the other two. One of them is larger than the other two and one of them is ... kind of in the middle of the two. Kind of a medium you might say.

Don't spit on my doughnut and tell me it's glazed. You give me a damn cup of coffee when I say "small black". Don't look at me like I am using Chinese sign language. Just turn your ass around, get my coffee maybe a danish and let me get on with my life.

Don't ask me if I want whipped cream, sprinkles, caramel, cinnamon, skim milk, goat milk, yak milk, giraffe shavings, gorilla essence, whale oil, crystal waves or pyramid light. Don't ask me if I want my coffee steam brewed with artic iceberg water, deioniozed water, reoxygenated water or ionically stabilized ozone free liquid hydrogen drippings. Just turn yourself around, hand me the cup take my cash and get on with it.

And before you say "Well Prophet, why don't you just not go to Starbucks?" stop and think about how this mentality is paralyzing our world. Whether you are at Starbucks, Joes, Panera Bread, La Madeline or any of 1,000 other places you get the same thing. The cryptic cup size codes and the trial of passworded orders.

Gone are the days you can go in to just any place and say "small coffee, black". No, now you have to have a deep breath and a script for your order. "I'll have a tall mocha latte with 1% organic goat milk in a wafer infused cup with 2% steamed cream, virgin cinnamon oil drippings, caramel drizzles, pink sprinkles. Oh and a dash of lemon zest." But don't worry if you don't have all that memorize. You can rehearse during the 20 minute wait that it takes to get to the front of the freaking line.

It's all right there in front of us. It's part of our everyday life. Not a day passes when some bright marketer convinces yet another place to join the Cult of the Grande and replace their "small" with a "big" or a "bulge". Not a day goes by that some guy is making me wait in line while he take 2 minutes to spout out his coffee order. Or his bagel order. Or his sandwich order. Or some other damn thing that ought to be simple but has somehow been complicated beyond recognition and function by the Cult of the Grande.

Prophet out.

[JamesB]

I have been assimilated into the "Cult of the Grande"

I tried to order a "Grande" coke at waterburger and there was a long disturbing silence in the drive through speaker. Then a rude voice said "drive around". they asked for my money and handed me a bag of food and a drink and I drove off.

James

[JPalmer]

You've got to hear comedian Lewis Black's "The end of the Universe" bit.

It's on par with the starbucks thing.

[Patti Edens]

LOL

This reminds me of the Foamy cartoons. I think I first saw the link to them here on TPF. Foamy does a couple on Star Schmucks. Click on the one called Small Medium Large. Another one about Star Schmucks is Coffee House Propaganda...

http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html

I have to say, Some of Foamy's stuff is pretty entertaining, but when it comes to funny and thought provoking, DP, you are the master. I don't care what Pika says.

p

[Digital Prophet]

Originally Posted by Patti Edens

LOL

I have to say, Some of Foamy's stuff is pretty entertaining, but when it comes to funny and thought provoking, DP, you are the master. I don't care what Pika says.

p

You're gon'na make me blush.

But seriously, have you ever written something at night. Then woke up the next morning and be completely surprised by what you have written? I mean just taken aback. So much so that you have to ask yourself: "Was I drinking last night?"

Maybe it's just me and Pika.

Prophet out.

[Murph]

Is Pika involved?

[AlexMorse]

I've got a good aside on this note. One day last year I decided to order a Pizza from a local place instead of some of the chains. I called them up and said I wanted "the works."

Them: We don't have that sir.
Me: ... what do you mean?
Them: We don't have a work's pizza.
Me: I just mean a pizza with everything on it.
Them: Yes, we don't have that.
Me (really having trouble grasping what the guy is trying to say): Ok, so you don't have a pizza with everything on it on your menu... Can I pick my own toppings?
Them: Certainly sir.
Me: How much per topping?
Them: $0.50
Me: Is there a limit to the number of toppings?
Them: No, not at all.
Me: Ok. Then could you make me a pizza, put all your toppings on it, and charge me for it?
Them: Yes.
Me: .... uh... good... ok yeah that's what I want, thanks.

I've had very similar discussions with fast food joints telling me they don't have a small soda, just medium, large, and extra large.

[kenw]

it's amazing how many lemmings line up to spend several $$ on a 50 cent cup of coffee and be happy to be so gullible......

as one friend used to tell me, "I deserve it."

well, yes, dearie, but not because of the reason you think...

[Cope]

Originally Posted by kenw

it's amazing how many lemmings line up to spend several $$ on a 50 cent cup of coffee and be happy to be so gullible......

as one friend used to tell me, "I deserve it."

well, yes, dearie, but not because of the reason you think...

Starbucks couldn't make a good 50¢ cup of coffee if their lease depended on it. My daughters drink their junk, but I am happy at home or the lcoal donut shop

[pippin]

for me at work its either one of the following:

1/ starbucks coffee
2/ stale 2-day old coffee from 7-11
3/ really nasty stale tasting coffee from whole foods

[Daniel Bates]

My cafeteria doesn't have small cups either. The smallest one they offer is 20-something ounces.

[markfh]

Normally I brew my own here at the homestead and fill my thermos coffee cup. Sometimes I get one at SB eventhough it's way too expensive but after watching roaches crawl out of too many fast food or stop n rob coffee machines I no longer drink theirs.

What never ceases to amaze me though is how many people use a credit card, not debit, to pay for a stinking $2 cup of coffee or more for some of their super fattening drinks and/or food...

[HeatherLou]

MMMMMM Caramel and Cinnamon! Might have to go to the Starbucks place and check them out!

[Charles Putnam]

So...I mainline Starbucks. And the problem would be???