A little TPF fiction

[Wes]

I was feeling creative tonight. Enjoy....

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Stealthily, a shadow moves across the lawn...
...of women’s studio. He comes with a fleetness of foot and a faint smell of trout. As Abel nears the rear entrance to the Women’s Studio he quickly silences the guard dog with an Ex Lax laden pork chop. While the dog is busy defecating in the front seat of Heatherlou’s Yugo, Abel slips in the back gate, totally unnoticed by anyone. He stops for a second to quickly review the secret map that had been stolen the previous week by PeteQ from the Women’s Welcome Center. Abel gets his bearings, recognizes the landmarks and sets off for the objective.

As he ducks under the window to the main meeting room he takes a peek at the activity therein. There seems to be some sort of female ritual going on. Heatherlou, Jezebel, ScoobyRoo, and Leslie (lscottpht) are standing in a line on one side of the room and are holding hands. On the other side of the room, in a line and holding hands, are Holly, Kasey (LadyShutterBug), Laura (PictureCow), and Cynthia (BabyBlueTX23). They seem to be yelling something at each other. Abel gets closer to the window in order to hear what they are saying, and can faintly make out Heatherlou yelling, "Red rover, red rover, send ScoobyRoo on over..."

After rolling on the ground for 2 or 3 minutes laughing hysterically, Abel composes himself and continues on with his mission. There it is! The environmental station for the entire Women’s Studio. First thing to do... drop 19 six day old trout into the air freshener system. Next, 87 gallons of Ex Lax go into the water system. Finally, several more trout go into the plumbing leading to all of the toilets. Before leaving the studio complex, Abel installs several web cams and microphones which are linked back to the systems in the Men’s Studio. This will allow the men to observe the mayhem. The last thing - glue all of the windows and doors shut with super strong Binford epoxy.

On his way out, Abel notices that the women’s guard dog is now about 50 lbs. lighter and is still defecating in the front seat of Heatherlou's Yugo. You can only see the neck and head of the poor beast as the rest of him is submerged in... well, you know.

Meanwhile, back at the Men’s Studio, Joe Lorenzini, Prophet, Boxofrocks, XMENPorsche, and Evil4blue are all waiting for the signal from Abel to fire up their observation systems.

*beep* *beep* *beep*

Joe: There's the signal. Turn on the monitors and let's see if that doofus was able to complete his mission.
Boxofrocks: Be nice, Joe. After all, Abel DID save you from that man eating purple thong last week. You owe him.
Joe: You're right. Anyway, let's see what's going on.
Prophet: "Man eating purple thong"?!?
Joe: Don't ask. You don't want to know.
Prophet: Oh. Okay.

Evil4blue turns on the monitors. Images and sounds from the women’s dorm slowly come to life on the various monitors around the Men’s Studio. The women are still involved with their game of Red Rover. From the speakers, we start to hear the audio....

Jezebel: Red Rover, Red rov... *sniff* Does anyone else smell something?
Laura: Yeah, I was starting to smell it, too. At first, I thought it was just Kasey's moldy sweat socks, but this odor is too bad even for her.
Kasey: Hey! I resemble that remark! By the way, I smell it too.
ScoobyRoo: Personally, I still suspect Kasey, but let's open some windows and air this place out anyway.

Holly goes to the nearest window and starts trying to open it.

Holly: *grunt* *grunt* It won't open! It seems to be sealed shut!
Heatherlou: What do you mean, "it won't open". Step aside and let me try, ya freakin' little dweeb. *grunt* *grunt* Hmmmm.... the freakin' little dweeb is right. It seems to be sealed shut. Let's just leave for a while and come back later. Maybe it will have aired out by then.

The whole group heads to the door. ScoobyRoo tries to open it, but it won't budge.

ScoobyRoo: NOOOOOOO!!! We're trapped!

The noxious trout odors are starting to get thicker. Several women drop to their hands and knees to stay below the odor. They all crawl out of the room into the kitchen area, but find that the smell is there, too.

Leslie: If I find out who did this, so help me....
Cynthia: Worry about that later. First of all, we have to find a way out of here. Holly - go check the rest of the external doors and windows around the dorm and report back to us here.
Holly: Okay. But first, I'm thirsty. I'm getting a drink of water.
ScoobyRoo: That sounds good. While you're at it, fill up a bunch of those 32oz. cups for everyone and pass 'em around.
Holly: Will do.

Holly does as she's told and gives everyone a big glass of water. They all chug until it's all gone....

Meanwhile, back at the Men’s Studio, Joe Lorenzini, XMENPorsche, Prophet, and Evil4blue are all starting to clear their eyes from laughing so hard at the sight of the women playing Red Rover. The scope of the game is beyond Boxofrocks, so he is curious as to what everyone else was laughing at. Joe starts to explain, but thinks twice about it. He needs to go to bed in 15 hours and realizes that there just wouldn't be enough time.

XMENPorsche: Well, it looks like the women are starting to feel the full effects of the trout in their environmental systems.
Prophet: Yeah. And look at the way that they are chugging that water! If Abel followed the plan, they're gonna be in for a big surprise REAL soon.
Evil4blue: MUAHAHAHAHAAA! I just LOVE it when a plan comes to fruition.
Joe: Shut up, you guys. Look at the monitors. They're all starting to clutch at their stomachs... and a few are clutching at their butts.
Boxofrocks: Wow! Have you ever seen a bunch of women scramble so quickly for the bathrooms? By the way, how many bathrooms are in the dorm, anyway?
Joe: Two.

Back at the women’s dorm.....

Holly: *frantically knocking on the bathroom door* Hurry up in there! I've got to go REAL bad now! C'mon, hurry up!!!!
Heatherlou: *sitting on the toilet, reading the latest issue of "Chimpers Monthly"* Shut up out there! Can't a gal take a dump in peace?!?

At that moment, the door bursts open and in come Leslie and Laura... Seeing the toilet occupied, Leslie sits on the sink and Laura rushes to the bathtub.

Heatherlou: Eewww!!! - that's GROSS! You gals could have at least waited. I'm done now, so just let me flush and I'll be on my way.

*flush*

Heatherlou: Ummmm.... ladies? We have a problem.

The toilet (and it's contents) overflow onto the floor. And it keeps flowing, and flowing, and flowing. Before long, they are standing ankle deep in water and.... stuff. The scene is repeated in the other bathroom as well.

Meanwhile, at a bar several miles away we see a silver Porsche 911 Turbo in the parking lot. At the bar sits our hero, Abel, drinking a beer.

PeteQ: Hiya, Abel! What have you been up to tonight?
Abel: Same old thing, Pete, the same old thing.

Will the women find a way out of this mess? Will they all succumb to the combination of fish odor and diarrhea? Will the women’s guard dog ever stop defecating in the front seat of Heatherlou's Yugo (all we can see is his eyes right now)? Will the men ever stop rolling on the floor and laughing at the predicament that they have inflicted on the ladies? Will Boxofrocks ever understand the game of Red Rover? Will Kasey ever start shaving her armpits?

Stay tuned.....

[Huck]

LOL too funny

[Daniel Bates]

I need Cliff Notes...

[HeatherLou]

OMG, That is flippen funny as all get out, I love it, you gotta do more!

[Wes]

Thanks, folks. I've got another short story or two up my sleeve. :)

[Gordon]

Reminded me of Ulysses in a lot of ways.

Probably all the defecation.

[JamesB]

Originally Posted by Daniel Bates

I need Cliff Notes...

Abel is a peeping tom to several TPF ladies. Joe Lorenzini, Prophet, Boxofrocks, XMENPorsche, and Evil4blue made him do it.

Abel shoves some fish in the plumbing at the ladies studio, taints the water supply with ex-lax, lots of nasty toilet humor takes place. Dont ride in Heatherlou’s Yugo. They are blaming the guard dog for that

does that sum it up enough for ya Daniel

James

[Wes]

Rofl!

[HeatherLou]

I have never and will never own a Yugo, I did own a AMC Pacer once though!

[Daniel Bates]

Originally Posted by JamesB

Abel is a peeping tom to several TPF ladies. Joe Lorenzini, Prophet, Boxofrocks, XMENPorsche, and Evil4blue made him do it.

Abel shoves some fish in the plumbing at the ladies studio, taints the water supply with ex-lax, lots of nasty toilet humor takes place. Dont ride in Heatherlou’s Yugo. They are blaming the guard dog for that

does that sum it up enough for ya Daniel

James

Okay, I think I've got it now. But where's Pika? Pika's got to be in there somewhere!

[JamesB]

Originally Posted by Daniel Bates

Okay, I think I've got it now. But where's Pika? Pika's got to be in there somewhere!

he is probably still in the trunk. not sure if he ever got released or not

James

[Wes]

Who's Pika? I didn't write any Pika into the story.

[JamesB]

Originally Posted by xmenporsche

Who's Pika? I didn't write any Pika into the story.

you have been warned.....

http://www.texasphotoforum.com/forum...ight=poop+pika

just be very cautious of knocks on your door that come from low on the door.

James

[HeatherLou]

Pika Rocks! Smurfette is in love with Pika!