I really need your help now

[laurielblack]

I have tried to think of ways to help sort this whole surreal event out in my mind, and it was suggested to me by my pastor to reach out for strength. I am asking for your prayers, if you are a person of faith, or your positive energy, if you have alternate beliefs.

On Sunday morning at 7:23 am, I found the love of my life unresponsive, blue, and cold in our bed. He had passed during the night sometime, while we were sleeping. I found myself in some strange fog, calling 911 and performing CPR until paramedics and a physician arrived. The doctor, who had left his shift at the hospital and was on his way home when he heard the call, came to me while the paramedics were working and told me that "this was not going to be a successful resuscitation." Those words didn't register in my mind. I begged him to try everything he could, so they took him to the hospital and tried for over an hour to save him. There was no hope...and the doctor came out to explain to me and my three children that he was gone.

I cannot in a million years imagine how I am going to spend the rest of my life without him. He has been there for me for so long that I don't remember life before he was there. This has been an unimaginably hard week, and every minute I think it might get the slightest bit easier, something happens and I see him...I hear a song, or smell something familiar...it's just so hard to even breathe sometimes. I have cried until I think I can't make any more tears. There are just no words that can explain why a 39 year old man's heart would stop in the night. I am so angry...and lost...and forever broken.

I keep trying to be as strong as possible for the boys, but it is so hard. They're handling this better than I expected, but that's the beauty of the resiliency of children. Our oldest is much more acutely aware of the depth of this loss, as he and his dad have truly been best friends.

We have a wonderful network of extended family, friends, and church members who have come out en masse to comfort and assist in every way possible...but nothing is filling this gaping hole in my soul. At this point, I cannot ever imagine it being filled again. After days of constant activity, and people coming and going from my house, I find myself alone with my thoughts this evening. Please help me understand why this has happened...and how I can get through the rest of my life without him.

[DJ.]

I can't even begin to understand your loss or pain but we will certainly be praying for you and your family.

[ttusa]

Hi Laurie,
God really will help you through. A few years ago I went through 3 major losses at once, one being my Mom's death under very unusual circumstances. I don't know why this happened to you, but I'm very sorry for your loss. A loss support group might be benificial to you.

[guitarbug]

I am so sorry for your loss! Stay close to family in your time of need and just keep praying. I will pray for your suffering along with my family tonight. Again, sorry for your loss.

[guitarbug]

If there is anything I or we as a group can do, please ask!

[frevrnlv]

Hi, Laurie! So sorry for you loss ... you and your family will be in my thoughts/prayers as well! Let us know if you need anything ...

[smdebnam]

Hi Laurie,

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

-shelley

[HeatherLou]

Laurie, I can not tell you how sorry I am to hear your loss. There are no words in the world that could make this all better for you, but know that you are loved and cared for. I will be thinking of you and hope that you find a way to make it through this time. Sending Love to you and your family.

[NathanJK]

I'm so sorry to hear what happened, Joanna and I's thoughts and prayers are both with you and your family.

[David Whatley]

Lauriel, I will be praying for you, in your time of grief. I know it hurts like hell, but keep this in mind. God works in mysterious ways. Get in a grief group at church. If there isnt one in Greenvile, let me know and I will find one for you. If you want a shoulder or ear, pm me and I wil lpass my number along.
God Bless
David

[Patti Edens]

Originally Posted by laurielblack

...and how I can get through the rest of my life without him.

Laurie, What you went through and are still going through must be one of the worst experiences I can imagine. While we have never met, I feel as if you and many TPFers are part of my extended family. Please know that you have my thoughts and prayers and a hug to go with them. And while you will never forget, be assured that your pain will lessen with time.

Patti

[Terrancelee]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I know words really don't mean a whole lot at a time like this, though. Just remember, there are plenty of people thinking of you and your family.

[TXhummer2]

Laurie, his love is still with you, and will remain in your heart forever. Our prayers for you and your family will be unending, may God Bless You during this time. Contact us any time you need someone to talk to.

[tiffany]

we're all here for you and support you laurie.

[DEMDeepEllumMusic]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, just know that he went in his sleep and probably didn't ever know what happened.