So confused...

[Bobj616]

Sometimes people change. We don't always know why. At times we grow in different directions ,this may be the case with your fiance. Maybe you didn't see the change because we usualy see what we want to see. I really don't know,but,wouldn't you rather have her tell you now that she wanted out instead of years down the road? You said she came from a rough background,perhaps she is still growing out of it ,that can take years. No matter what the movies show ,I don't think you can change the way people feel or act. We can only control the way we feel or act. You will get through this ,dazed and confused maybe ,but you will come out the other side. Good Luck. Bob

[boxofrocks]

Dude--sucks to be you right now. I know, because the same thing happened to me when I was about your age.

My girlfriend of a couple of years (Not engaged, but we were talking about it) was the same way--distant, etc., then I got dumped with a whole lot of loose ends. I beat myself up for a long time wondering what I'd done wrong. There is a whole long sordid story (probably a pretty good made-for-TV movie script in there) of exactly what was going on, but the only thing that matters is this: I should have moved on immediately rather than stressing about it for months. The only regret I have now is the time I wasted feeling bad about the situation, and going into a deep depression. I only hurt myself.

You are going to have to nut up and put this behind you as soon as you can. It wasn't the end of the world for me, and it won't be for you, either. Some time from now, you'll have no one to be pissed off at but yourself if you don't suck it up and put it behind you as close to immediately as humanly possible. I wish I'd had a close friend around at the time to slap the mess outta me and force me to understand this.

Trust me on this one.

[chano]

good guys finish last bro. keep your head up. things always work out. i was in the same situation about a year ago...i still really dont have any answers for what happened. i try not to dwell on it...and just look forward........ good luck!

[rages4calm]

Holy Response Thread!

Originally Posted by Jeff_Green

She is 27 and you are 24. How long were you two engaged? How long would you say you spent time together?

We were engaged about a year or so. We were always with each other, we work at the same location (different floors) and we usually always went places together even grocery shopping, however at the same time she always had her freedom time by hanging out with her friends, had certain events she did monthly with them, plus she goes to all the texas motorspeedway nascar races with her friends.

Originally Posted by boxofrocks

You are going to have to nut up and put this behind you as soon as you can. It wasn't the end of the world for me, and it won't be for you, either. Some time from now, you'll have no one to be pissed off at but yourself if you don't suck it up and put it behind you as close to immediately as humanly possible. I wish I'd had a close friend around at the time to slap the mess outta me and force me to understand this.

Trust me on this one.

Well the first post I made kinda made it sound like I was upset. To be honest I am quite happy and already over it. She is happy and that works for me, as I said I know of some ****ty things in her past and I personally think she has never really been over it and took a chance on taking upon another relationship and just was not ready for it. I just wanted to get some insight from others. Luckily for me I have alot of friends that are supporting me right now and checking up on me, including my brother whom has recently got back from Iraq, and of course you guys/gals here at TPF.

Let me say thanks for all the replies, I am perfectly happy for both of us and I have/am moving on. :) I have had bad relationships in the past, but I think this one happened for a reason. People do indeed change sometimes for reasons they do not even understand, I would rather not understand then torture myself though.

[MarcoFromHouston]

Originally Posted by chano

good guys finish last bro. keep your head up. things always work out. i was in the same situation about a year ago...i still really dont have any answers for what happened. i try not to dwell on it...and just look forward........ good luck!

Well, Chano pretty much said what I was thinking......

Here is a poem that helped me get over the girl of my dreams (who is now married to some other guy):

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, and sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this is the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these are the last verses that I write for her.

Pablo Neruda

[boxofrocks]

Originally Posted by rages4calm

I would rather not understand then torture myself though.

Perfect attitude. We could all save our selves some grief if we followed this advice more often.

As a side bar, allow me to refer you to the Gas and Sip scene from "Say Anything" with John Cusack. Some "choice" relationship advice dolled out by his cronies.

[MarcoFromHouston]

Originally Posted by JohnRushing

I know at this time...............................get some closeure.

Cliff Notes, please!!!!

[rages4calm]

Originally Posted by mtorres123

Cliff Notes, please!!!!

lmao

[MarcoFromHouston]

Your thread reminded me of this one.....

[ShutteredEye]

I haven't read many of the other replies, so this may be a repeat. In my experience when someone is so willing to take all the blame on themselves they are not being honest with you at all. I'd press her for the truth, regardless of whether she thinks you can handle it or not....

Sorry to hear this bud. That just sucks.

[markperez]

Hey if you are truely happy that she is happy then thats cool but don't beat yourself up if deep down inside you don't really feel that way.

[pippin]

well, you could press her for the truth, but you may find you may not want to hear what she says.

Now, is there any chance she could be depressed? I say that as just last week I was saying that same stuff (i'm selfish, he deserves better etc). Turned out to be depression with me.

But, at the same time, you may just not want to know. Go out, take it easy. You will find someone that will make you happy.

[engstrom]

Originally Posted by boxofrocks

Perfect attitude. We could all save our selves some grief if we followed this advice more often.

Amen brother! That is a perfect attitude and I'm glad to hear you're dealing with the situation as well as possible.

[JohnRushing]

Wish someone would write some cliff notes, Freud should have done that instead of relating everyting to sexual desire, I think he was a little bit of a perv personally.

You mentioned that she had a rough past and also that you two were always together. Maybe she was feeling a little trapped and confined because of her past experiances but couldn't express it and she just needs some time apart. Theres no way to know exactly whats going on her her head without her comeing right out and telling you and even then she may not really know herself. This is why psychologist and psychyotrist drive such nice cars and live in those big houses!

Just hang in there and remember women out number men so theres plenty to chose from and at your age your still young enough and in good enough shape to catch them. Me? I would have to sneek up on them so they wouldn't get away

[Clint_Smith]

Sorry to hear Carl.....just stay away from the Cowboy, Shooters and that other crap in a sack over on Stateline. You will never find a good women in any of those places....Now Fat Jacks....she may be ugly as sin, but she will at least like Crawfish!