So confused...

[rages4calm]

It is 11:15 pm right now and I haven't been able to sleep since saturday night. (since my fiance left me)

Let me tell everyone a quick story. She comes home from the nascar races at texas motor speedway, and for the past couple weeks or months ive noticed she has seem to be pushing herself away from me. So we talked the night she came back and in a nutshell she tells me that she does not think she loves me anymore, I deserve better, called herself selfish this and that.. and here I am thinking... im confused everything is going great.. we haven't fought or argued any.. i have always felt like she is the perfect person and she has made me happier then anything or anyone in my life and just like that she saked me to leave and tells me i will find someone who will love me like I loved her and deserve to be loved.

We both work at the same university so its really weird and I told her I just wanted her to be happy and that I hope we can keep our friendship (which we have).... but then my bro and his wife contact me tonight and tell me they were sent a message on myspace from her saying something along the lines of "Incase you haven't heard yet etc etc" and that she felt like my friends didn't like her or something which made no sense.. didn't sound like something she would say considering i didn't hang with my friends much due to work and they do like her.

So I'm telling myself.. now i really can't sleep because now I really have no idea why we really broke up even though I thought I knew. So I sent her a text message and she said she thinks the words were mixed up and misunderstood and that she will message me tommorrow.

I want everyone to know I do love this girl, I don't know the truth, nor do I understand anything but that I am fine and im happy for the most part. I just need to know from others experience is there something in all this I am missing???

[babybluetx23]

from my perspective and the way I am reading this, there is something she isnt telling you. There is something that she has not communicated to you that bothered her. What troubles me is that it bothered her enough that she never told you, kept it pent up inside and it lead to the demise of the relationship. I hate to put it this way, but if she couldnt communicate honestly with you, then it may have been for the better that she moves on in life. If you dont have communication, you really have nothing.
I am SO sorry this has happened to you. I wish I had some consoling workds or words of advice that would be of some assistance but I dont.

[rages4calm]

Originally Posted by babybluetx23

from my perspective and the way I am reading this, there is something she isnt telling you. There is something that she has not communicated to you that bothered her. What troubles me is that it bothered her enough that she never told you, kept it pent up inside and it lead to the demise of the relationship. I hate to put it this way, but if she couldnt communicate honestly with you, then it may have been for the better that she moves on in life. If you dont have communication, you really have nothing.
I am SO sorry this has happened to you. I wish I had some consoling workds or words of advice that would be of some assistance but I dont.

It's ok and I do agree with what you said, I thought the same thing, I don't like the idea of feeling like the one perfect thing in your life disappeared without making any sense. She does have a pretty damn ruff background and im surprised she ever went into a relationship with me a year ago in the first place considering her past. All I know is I want sleep lol.

[guitarbug]

I know this seems like the end of your world right now, but its not! The one thing I learned in my 41 years of life is that everything happens for a reason. Whats meant to be is meant to be. You can not make someone love you. As much as it seems like there is no way you can see her with someone else or you the same, you will see in a few months you will begin to realize that maybe it was not meant to be! You will move on and this will not be the first time your heart breaks. It took me many years and plenty of crazy relationships to find the right one. When it happens you will know instantly! I was with a girl for 5 years and never thought I would get married, then on a trip to Texas I met another girl and in 2 weeks I asked her to marry me! That was ten years ago and we are still together. The girl I was with for 5 years was just not the one and at the time I was with her I did not think I could live without her, then boom the right one was there! Just hang in there and remember that there is one out there and you will find her when you least exspect it!

[picasso]

I agree with babyblue. It seems like maybe there is something she is not telling you. At any rate I am sorry. I know it sucks. You have to take care of yourself though. If you continue to not be able to sleep you might see your Dr. and see if they can give you something to get you over the hump. Keep your chin up. I wish you the best.

Paul

[JohnRushing]

I know at this time you really don't feel like playing twenty questions but theres something under the surface that hasn't showed itself and it may never do so. How old is she? A lot of times people start to look at their life and wondering where is it going and is it all life has to offer them. Most of the time they don't even consider exactly what they have because their blinded by the unconscious fear of being trapped. Usully they make rash decissions that they regrete later in life and they end up wondering what it could have been like if they hadn't made that decission. Sometimes fighting is actually healthy for a relationship, as long as it doesn't become physical. When a couple fights their emotions take over and they express feelings and thoughts that they wouldn't otherwise. Feelings can get hurt in a fight but if the relationship is strong the couple will put aside the hurt and then they can consentrait on working through the problems that has been revield. Sometimes the problems are so deep though that they can not be resolved. The bad thing about not fighting for some is they will not express their true feelings for fear of hurting the other person and when this happens the pain or anger just builds and festers until it has decayed the good feeling they had tfor the other person. Don't misunderstand me on the fighting, I'm not saying have a knock down drag out fight but a heated discussion. Differnt people fight in different ways. I can remember my mom and dad fighting and they said what was on their mind and didn't hold and thing back. When me and my wife fight we both pick our words carefully, me more so than her, so we don't let our emotions take over and we say something we wished we hadn't and didn't really mean. Severl times i've wanted to tell her to go to that hot spot and I'm sure she has wanted to say it to me twice as much. When we were young we didn't fight hardly any because we didn't want to hurt the other. Things built up and we came very close to getting a devorce, went as far as to file the papers. Luckly we worked it out and later we found the root cause of our problems to be both of use not liking some of the others little habbits. One of the habbits she didn't like was the way I would become angry and talk trash, tailgate and cut people off while driving, I mean come one. Well it didn't seem like much to me but it really bothered her but she never said anything and it just kept building in her. Soon she wasn't seeing me as the person she fell in love with but just some ahole behnd the wheel of a car and this made other small things look like big horrible things to her and soon she started to not like me. I went over to her parents one evening to take her some stuff she had left at our home and something set me off and I told her to shut the hell up (she never lets me forget that!) . Thsi got her started and soon we were arguing and it got ugly. At first all I wanted was to get my hands around her neck but after a few minutes I starting listening more than yelling and i found out stuff that I never knew. I never knew me acting the way I did in the car bothered her that much. I didn't know it bothered her the way I ignored my brother when he needed help with something. She found out why I ignored him. I'm not telling you to go pick a figh with her but try to get her to set down and talk. Tell her to be honest and to say exactly how she is feelingand not to hold back. There really sounds like there's something that hasn't made it to the surface. Untill it all gets sorted out don't set around the house. Go out with friends, go take pictures, treat yourself to something you've been wanting to do for a while. You will here people tell you to get your mind off of it but thats impossible. Our minds will stick on something like this until we get the answers we want, ten years from now you will still wonder even though it won't bother you but you will still wonder sometimes. Instead of trying to get your mind off of it go out and try to enjoy life and it will push the thoughts back. I wish you luck and I hope you can work this out or at least get some closeure.

[Rick Waldroup]

Something is up my friend. Maybe she has become involved with someone else? Not trying to be a downer here, but that was the first thing that popped in my head. Whatever happens, good luck to you.

[rages4calm]

Originally Posted by JohnRushing

How old is she?

She is 27, I am 24. that was alot of typing my friend thanks for the input :)

Originally Posted by Rick Waldroup

Something is up my friend. Maybe she has become involved with someone else? Not trying to be a downer here, but that was the first thing that popped in my head. Whatever happens, good luck to you.

No idea doesn't really matter though, however you are the 14th person to say that lol.

[Ropinamoment]

Originally Posted by Rick Waldroup

Something is up my friend. Maybe she has become involved with someone else? Not trying to be a downer here, but that was the first thing that popped in my head. Whatever happens, good luck to you.

I wondered the same thing. You said that she called herself selfish. I agree that there is something she's holding back and she's doing something that she feels guilty for, hence the reason she feels selfish.

Just my two cents. Sorry your hurting.

[rages4calm]

Originally Posted by Ropinamoment

I wondered the same thing. You said that she called herself selfish. I agree that there is something she's holding back and she's doing something that she feels guilty for, hence the reason she feels selfish.

Just my two cents. Sorry your hurting.

:) As long as she is happy that is all that really matters, somethings aren't meant to be understood.

[JPalmer]

Sleep: A couple of Tylenol PMs ought to do the trick.

Getting answers: There isn't a pill for that, although I desperately wish there was.

Just know this...it takes two people to hold onto the rope. If she doesn't want to hold onto the rope right now, nothing you can say/do will make her pick it back up.

What she'll need to realize is this....the longer she is not holding the rope with you, the weaker your grasp on the rope will be and if she decides to come back, she's going to have to pick up a lot of slack.

Although not my fiance, I pretty much just went through the exact same thing with my 8-mth girlfriend. Same kind of excuses from her...but there was another guy in the picture I didn't see. Not that it means that's what is happening here, but something has caused her to drop the rope.

[monique_evette]

Man, I haven’t spoken to you in forever and this is one of the last things I would want to hear from you. I know how much she means to you. As scary as it is for me, I actually can completely relate to the situation, or what could be the case in this situation. Meaning that my b/f and I never fight or express emotion towards each other. You would think it was a good thing, as if we get along, which we do, but there is also a lot I keep pinned up inside that it gets to the point where I just want to scream so loud so that China could hear me. But it goes back to what was said earlier in the thread, my b/f is such a great guy and any girl would be truly lucky to have him by their side, so whatever he does or IS that I don’t like I just swallow it and save his feelings. I have doubts about our relationship all the time, but there is only been a few times where I wanted to call it off and one time where I actually called it off. She is probably just confused and just needs room to breath. At least I know that I am like that. Give her space, let her breath, and get things straight in her head. You’re a great guy too and I am sure she knows that and will really see that soon enough.

[babybluetx23]

Originally Posted by JPalmer

Sleep: A couple of Tylenol PMs ought to do the trick!

I was about to recommend the very same thing. Take 1 or 2 of the tylenol PM to see how they are going to effect you. I would definatly talk to a DR though. They can give you a non Habit Forming Sleep Aid. Tylenol PM can become habit forming (according to my DR anyway!!! hehehe)

[Jeff_Green]

John and a couple others have said what popped into my head... Because you haven't fought doesn't mean everything was perfect, right? Fights within the relationship make it stronger. Like someone making a sword, the sword isn't strong in and of itself but requires tempering (heating and shaping) in order to have that strength. The same is for a relationship.

She is 27 and you are 24. How long were you two engaged? How long would you say you spent time together?

The answers may never present itself to you and all we can do is play Dr. Phil (an uneducated guess). You said that she had a rough past and that could and likely is playing into it. How long were you two together? It could be that she felt something missing in her life... the roughness she had grown used to. You have a hard time understanding how a person could miss that, but they do, just like and abused person has a tendency to return to an abusive relationship. If that is the issue then she needs help and support from you and help and support from a professional to help get her past this.

Jeff

[Rox74]

Sorry to hear this... but from personal experience, I can tell you that you will be better for this. It's not easy to hear now but if she didn't want to be with you it's better for her to tell you now rather than later. I had the same exact thing happen to me, from a 5 year relationship. He didn't want to hurt me so he didn't tell me there was someone else, I just found out through a mutual friend. We tried to be friends, but honestly until you distance yourself you aren't going to get over it. Go out of your way to dodge her. Don't message her or call her. She'll be the one that realized what she lost out on and you will find someone that will make you even happier. That's what happened to me! I am now married to a great guy and often think how glad I am that my jerk ex-boyfriend dumped me or I wouldn't be as happy as I am today. It's hard to think about that when you are going through it.