Moms back in the Hospital again.

[JohnRushing]

Well we had to take my mom back the the ER this morning because of chest pains again. This is the sixth time this year and they still don't know whats causing her the pain. Shes 82 and has been in excellent health for her age but she started having chest pains late last year and they can't seem to pinpoint what causing them. They don't think it's her heart since non of the test have showed any problem there yet. She doesn't have the symptoms of a heart attack but she says it does feel like someone is setting on her chest and she can't get a deep breath. I thought it might be anixty attacks but they have pretty much ruled that out. She called me earley this morning and was barely able to speak because she was breathing like she had just run a 5k race. She said it felt like electrical shocks running down her back and down both arms and legs. Shes had several test for her nervous system and they all came back good for a lady in her 80s. I'm affraid to let her stay by herself anymore and we don't have room for her at our home so when she gets out of the hospital (hopefully she will get out) I guess I'll be staying with her in her home. I don't think I could talk her into leaving her home anyway. She lives about 2 miles from the any other homes and she won't use a cell phone or the medic allert thing I bought her (shes hard headed, so she should know where I got it from). I was really hoping to finish my degree and change careers but with finals next week and me being the only one to take care of her I don't know if I will be able to pull off a passing grade or not this semester. My grades are pretty good but a bad final exam could drg them down. Even if I pass this semester I'm going to need to go back to work to help pay her medical expenses and any professional help she may need in home. Of course if I go back to work I'm going to need to hire someone to stay with her while I'm at work which means more expenses. Me and my wife talked this morning trying to figure out how we are going to handle this. We both think maybe we should find a larger house with more room so she can move in with us. Whats bad is we sold our house year before last that was 3800sqft to buy a smaller one in town. We had enough equity in the other house to almost pay cash for this one which was going to put us debt free in three years, looks like that is going to head the other way though. Man it seems like the harder you try sometimes the worse things get. I'm going to do whatever it takes though because it is my my mom and she has always been there for me and my family. One thing I will not do is put her in a nursing home. I have seen some really nice ones but my mom has always worried about being put in one and being left there alone so I will not do that to her. Well just like with everything else we will gwt through this but it would be nice to have one year where everything went smooth. Just had to ramble for a few minutes, hope it didn't bring anyone down.

[DJ.]

Sorry to hear that John. We will keep her in our thoughts and prayers. Enjoy every minute you have with her.

[engstrom]

John, sorry to hear about this turn of events but I think you are doing the right thing being with her. Any way you could add an additional room to your current house so your mom could stay with you?

[Davidtxs]

Im sorry to hear that John we went thru the same thing with my mom for over a year, she goes to one the best cardiologist in dallas he finally convinced the head of the cardiology dept at soutwestern to see her he figured it out in one day shes been fine since hope all goes well

[jerrykr]

Two words, Assisted Living. The difference between a nursing home, and Assisted Living is night and day for a person with her needs.

From your description, she does not need the medical services of a nursing home, but if she can afford it, Assisted Living is a good choice for the care that she needs which is minimal compared to what you pay for in a nursing home.

Elderly care is MUCH different than years ago when a nursing home was the only option.

My brothers and sister faced an almost exact situation to what you describe. The medical symptoms were not the same, but still, the situation we faced was the same.

AL was not perfect, but it allowed us to care for our mother without quitting our jobs and making a financial shambles of our own needs and the needs of our children.

She had here own "place", her own furniture, her own home. We did not sell her house, she always held that she might be able to go back to live by herself there, as she did successfully for many years after dad passed. No reason to kill that idea for her.

Check into it with an open mind. It may seem expensive, but add up the costs of living outside and you may be surprised at how affordable it really is. Living is not cheap these days, no matter how you choose to live.

It worked for us. Not perfect, but nothing is.

I have nothing to do with the industry, do not own stock, etc. We just faced what you are facing.

It's not so bad. Chin up.

-=- Jerry -=-

[Patti Edens]

John, Have they done a gallbladder scan? The pain mimics heart attack pain. My Mom had chest pains for two years until they found out that her gallbladder was so inflamed it was about to burst.

I'll also second the assisted care living. My Mom refused to live with any of her kids and she was much happier in the assisted care living place than she would have been with any of us. They had all kinds of programs - people would come out and play music, magic shows, exercise classes, and the big one for her was bingo. She loved that bingo. And she loved wandering up and down the halls and visiting with people.

She would have been bored to tears all alone all day at my house. There are 5 of us kids so we made sure that someone was there to visit with her every day. We popped in and out at different times just to make sure they were treating her right. It was a very good place with a very caring staff.

I was afraid we would feel guilty by letting her stay there instead of at one of out homes, but looking back, it was the right thing to do for us. But if your Mom doesn't like the idea, it might not work for you.

Hope you find something soon that works well for all...

Oh...and medicade will pay for it if she cannot.

[carrbowl]

Wow John..you have a lot on your plate. It's frustrating to have something medically wrong and not be able to diagnosis it. I hope you are able to get that diagnosised. It will help "fix" the other issues and help clear help the other things in your life. Isn't it amazing how one thing can snowball the other things in your life??? I've been reading how much time you've been spending in the hospital. I'm a praying kind of person and believe in the power of prayer....I hope things get better for you soon...

[jordankreationz]

My thoughts and prayers are with you during this trying and emotional time. Do whatever you can to make your Mom comfortable and happy. Family is so very important. I lost my mom 13 years ago tomorrow and for six months prior to that I quit my job, took her to dialysis treatments three times per week, spent night after night with her in the hospital when she had to be inpatient, moved my family into her home with her so we could care for her. I never regretted it for a moment. Ultimately it's a decision everyone has to make on their own, and what works for one may not for another. It sounds like you have deep love and admiration for your Mom and dedication to her care. That's a wonderful thing. I've worked in home health for many years and I've seen firsthand how many kids don't care about their parents.
Assisted living centers are very nice generally and cost a pretty penny. Most offer lots of activities that the older folks love like Bingo and quilting and stuff like that. Just be sure that you check references and maybe spring in unannounced sometimes to see that all is what it seems.
May you find all the help and support that you need. And may the good Lord watch over you and your family.

DJ

[lucian]

It sure does seem that once you think you're getting ahead of the game something happens to set you back a bit. But as you said we'll get through it.

My mother went into assisted living in upstate NY several years back. She loves it since she has her own place, friends and activities. I don't know all the particulars but I think Social Security somehow helps. My broher and his family, grandkids and now great grand kids visit or phone daily. It has had a very positive effect on mom's quality of life.

Take care. Best wishes to you all.

[ShutteredEye]

John, the electric shock sensations you described are a classic sign for Multiple Sclerosis, known as Lhermitte's sign. Is this something the doctors have considered?

[JohnRushing]

Thanks for all the support everyone. I got a few minutes today to take my son to ball practice while my aint stays with my mom. They ran a few more test on her this morning but still nothing. I still think it's anxiety attacks because of the shortness of breath and tightness in her chest. The symptoms seem to be worse when shes alone or things are not going her way which could bring on an anxiety attack. Her doctor talked to me this morning about trying her on Zoloft because she has some symptoms of depression also. Only problem is my mom will not take medication! Talk about hard headed. Crap I have an assortment of pain pills that could put CVS out of business (well maybe not that many). I don't like taking medication either but she has this fear of getting hooked on any medication the doctor might prescribe. She was given some ambien last year to help her sleep and she took a half of a 5mg tablet and flushed the rest because she said she was going to get addicted. I might have to slip it to jer in her food. I just want to thank everyone. Gotta run to ball practice, then back to the hospital to set with her and study then take two finals tomarrow. Gonna be a hecktic week.

[JohnRushing]

Well my mom is back home now, actually talked her into staying with us for a few days. The doctor really seems to think this has all bee anxiety attacks brought on by stress and depression. My dad passed away in 1985 and my mom has been living by herself every since I try to get by and see her at least every other day and i call her everyday but i know she still gets lonely. She has friends that stop by and they go do stuff but like most people her age she is back home around 6:30 or 7:00pm and is alone the rest of the night. She keeps worring aout bills, which she really doesn't have any, and how she is going to get everything done around her place. She still trys to plant a huge garden each year even though she just gives most of it away because she raises way, way more than she can eat. She also worries aout her friends all the time, shes the type that will do for others even when it's killing her. The doctor has her on Zoloft and also a high calorie diet since she doesn't eat enough. I've been talking to her about letting a friend of the family put his cows on her pastures and in return he will help her by keeping it mowed and keeping the fences up. She has also agreed to plant a smaller garden next year, about 10x20 instead of the usual half acre. Shes going to stay with us for a few days and in the mean time I'll be getting her house a little more elderly friendly by installing some hand rails and putting phone jacks in each room so she doesn't have to try and get up to answer the phone. She has also agreed to wear the medic allert and us it if she needs it.
I want to thank everyone for all the kind words of encouragement and all the helpful advice. I've said it before and I'll say it again, This site has got some of the gretest people on the planet for members. Thanks everyone.

[carrbowl]

John...I'll still pray for her and your family. My husbands dad went thru the same thing. It's got to be tough to be alone after your spouse dies. I think that is one of those things you really can't know how hard it is until you've been there...Hope you finish up school ok...

[darktiger]

Glad my parents died when I was a teenager. I do not have to go through with what you are going through...