Funny Moments in court

[Murph]

I was in court as a witness, the case was a theft/Fraud case I had been working on regarding forged signatures, fraudulently obtained documents, and the intial hearing on the ownership of a van was in the Justice of the Peace Court before it went to District (Felony) court. I am sitting there and the crook is whining to the judge that she is being taken advantage of. The she suddenly stands up and announces the that victim owes her $49.95, for a vibrator with attachments, which she bought for the victim to "relieve tension".

The judge turned beet red, the (female) bailiff had to leave the courtroom, the Constable started coughing, and turned red, and there was much tittering and giggling from the court. The judge in a very strangled voice asked the crook; "I beg your pardon?" and she produced the reciept, and said that in lieu of the money she would take the vibrator back, suitably cleansed. At that point I had to ask the court to be excused, and the judge called a ten minute recess. The female bailiff was an alarming shade of red for the rest of the hearing. The Judge denied her the $49.95 stating that since it was a gift, she could not demand restitution of the said item.

[OTRphoto]

OMG That was too funny!!!!!

Thanks for sharing....

[Steelsun]

Maybe charge her with one of the obtuse laws on "sexual devices" in Texas also?

[mjdmike]

That's funny Murph.

[Goaliesgirl]

I just about spit chocolate milk all over my laptop. Thanks for a good laugh this morning! I love the fact it was with "various attachments"

[mmcmurr]

That was definitely a humorous story. I'm still laughing my tail off!

[Murph]

Years ago, I was the bailiff in a murder trial. The accused had beaten his 72 year old father in law to death with a maglight. The prosecution had rested, the defense was not putting on any witnesses, and the defense lawyer announced; "No witnesses, your honor". Suddenly up jumps the defendant, and yells; "Hey, I want to tell my side of the story!" His attorney is attempting to pull him back to his seat, and he demands of the judge to tell his side of the story. After a very short recess, his lawyer uttered to me the most prophetic words ever: "He's F**ked". During his testimony I watched two of the jurors start laughing, and another was beet red and attempting to stifle a guffaw. 15 minutes to find him guilty of Murder, and 20 to give him life. And the jurors told us later that the only reason it took 20 minutes to give him life was that two jurors wanted to give him the death penalty even though he could not be sentenced to death since it was simple murder, not Capital Murder.

[Murph]

Years ago I was sitting upstairs in the court room, attempting not to drool due to the mind numbingly boring civil trial going on, when over the radio I hear: "ALL UNITS, ESCAPE IN PROGRESS AT THE COURTHOUSE" I jump up, scaring the judge who had almost been drooling as well as the learned counsel had gassed on over some obscure and arcane legal point. The lawyers looked stunned as I bolted from the courtroom and raced down the stairs.

I get to the bottom floor where the County Court is, and the 70 year old bailiff is standing there out of breath, waving his .357 around, telling everyone that "He went thataway!" pointing to the doors to the east of the courthouse. I ran outside, and looked as cop cars came screaming into the area. We go back into the courthouse, and find the judge having the vapors in his courtroom, so stressed that he cannot continue. The remaining prisoners (who were unhandcuffed) had just sat there as the bailiff left the room. They never tried to take off.

Turns out that the guy had just been sentenced knew he was toast, so he had his wife wait outside in the car, he ran out, jumped in the car, and off they roared. Problem was, he was so traumatized by his escape that he needed liquid refreshment. So they stopped at their usual bar, where both were arrested shortly thereafter.

His sentence that caused him to escape:

72 hours in the county jail.

His new sentence pronounced by the completely scared judge: 365 days for Escape from Custody. And he was wearing leg irons, cuffs and a belly chain every other time he went to court.

[mwaldrop]

Hey, crooks are not too smart. My son just got a commendation for busting a burglary ring. He got a business alarm while on patrol and when he showed up, there were two guys under the hood of their vehicle in the parking lot in front of a broken glass door. They had all kinds of stuff from the store in the back seat but the car wouldn't start. They didn't even see my son and partner arrive until they were being handcuffed. Turns out they had burglarized several businesses. But now they don't have to worry about their car. The state is providing for all their transportation needs.

[Steelsun]

Hoo Rah!

[markfh]

My wife's a paralegal so I've had the privilege (cough, cough) to rub elbows with plenty of lawyers over the years.

Some years ago one of these lawyers was telling a story of a court case when he was a prosecutor.

The case was a rape case. The victim was on the stand testifying. The prosecutor asked her if she tried to escape. She said "yes". He then asked her if she yelled for help. She said "yes". He asked "did anyone come". At this point she emphatically stated "well, he did and I almost did"...

Case dismissed...

Of course we all laughed our butts off...