This makes me so MAD

[photobykim]

This is the reason that little girls starve themselves or throw up everything they eat. This is the reason that sane women end up in hospitals because of stupid diet pills or "it" diets. Because we see these gorgeous "ideal" women being called fat and being poked fun of and we look at ourselves in the mirror and go wow if she's a size 2 and being made fun of look at me and my size 9 or 10 I'm a raging hippo.

It makes it easier for teenage boys to look at their girlfriends in high school and buy them a gym membership for a year and a personal trainer because he thinks she's getting fat when she weighs no more than 110 lbs and looked like Britney Spears at her best (ok minus the six pack abs).

Anyway. That is my vent for this morning after reading the following article: Hewitt strikes back over bikini shots

[Concisus Cognatus]

Kim,
Being a black male growing up in America, if I had not learned many years ago to ignore the media and the crap they produce I would have determined long ago that I am nothing more than an ugly, thieving, murderous, lazy, no good womanizer(fertilizing eggs everywhere I laid my head for a night, then moving to the next one), etc, etc. I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm saying.

Parents must do a better job of buffering their daughters from the constant onslaught of corporate greed attempting to use the emotions of young girls to add dollars to their coffers through the girls attempts to be the "model" at any costs.

[jagphoto]

Trust me I also understand your fury. I do everything I can to prevent my daughter from seeing those things, and I teach her what is really important. There are still other girls at her ELEMENTARY school, second grade, that tell her her legs are fat!!! My daughter is the perfect size, and many of my friends on the forum know who I am talking about. All I can do is hug her and reassure her at the end of the day. Oh, and I surround her every chance I can with her pastors and friends at church.

[photobykim]

It's so hard and frustrating. You can tell them and try and teach them, but once they leave the house there are so many outside influences that surround them from friends, to movies and tv, to boys, to magazines and all of that. I'm not sure what I'm more scared of when she gets older her doing drugs or her hating her own body. Because no matter how much we tell our kids they're beautiful the way they are and that they're perfect they'll say "you say that cause you're my mom" you know and that's hard.

The above mentioned boyfriend story is mine. I went from being a very confident, secure in myself and the way I looked girl to a very insecure hate my body woman, thinking I was fat. All because the guy that was supposed to love and support me I allowed to convince me to hate myself. I know, says something about me. But it's easier to believe something when someone that cares about you is the one saying it to you.

Just a scary thing. Elementary school. 2nd grade. geeze. My niece is in 4th and my step-son is in 3rd. That is just to young to even be thinking about things like that. Whatever happened to thinking about who was going to get to the swings first or who was going to sit by who at lunch. *sigh*

[dreemes]

Lets turn this around a bit. Look at the guys that some of these gals went after. These young ladies see a guy with a nice body and they fall in love with him.. Or are they in love with the idea of being in love with a guy with a nice body? In any event she pases a guy by that may not look the best for a guy that does not respect them.

[loana0320]

Kimberly, our stories are very similar... I was in therapy with a psychologists for a bit over 3 years due to my anorexia and bulimia.... you see me now and you would have no clue I had it as I am obviously overweight... but anyhow I listened to an ex boyfriend and believed him when he said noone would love me unless I was skinny and blah blah blah.. dropped about 65 lbs in 2 months and 13 sizes.... attempted against my live and things got crazy.... Thank Goodness my parents made me break up with him as I couldn't.. and I started getting better slowly!
I get very aggravated with people having those beliefs as once you get those negative feelings in your mind is so hard to get them out.... Hopefully this little girls have more sense than I did and learn to love their body the way it is... who cares if they have a bit of cellulite.. or a lot for that matter.. Love yourself the way you are and if you do that people will love you for who you are!
Off my soapbox now...

[photobykim]

Dan you are absolutely right on there too. I will raise my daughter not to judge all guys by the way they look either. I've had this same discussion with MyKey recently. I told him that he was a good looking man, he disagrees. I told him that because he is who he is and he makes me laugh that that makes him good looking, not because he's "brad pitt" but because he's a nice, good guy with a good heart and spirit. People dont see in my husband what I see. I've never really been a "brad pitt" kind of girl. I hope to be able to raise my daughter that way too. That a man is good looking because of his heart and spirit and if he can make you laugh and if he makes you smile and makes you happy that makes him special and beautiful. I think the same should hold true for everyone.

I know it doesn't. But it'd be nice if it could. I hope to teach my children that and through them a little at a time change peoples lives through the love and understanding, hope and joy that they'll give out as well.

[Wes]

As long as people get their sense of self worth from other people this kind of garbage will continue to happen. This is going to border on a rule violation with regards to discussing religion but I cannot help but say this.... When the Creator of matter says that you matter then you don't need to look anywhere else to know whether or not you have value. I constantly have to stifle my anger at the people who mope around feeling that they have to look a certain way or behave a certain way in order to stoke their own ego and/or gain approval from some other human being. We all have an innate value that is endowed by our creator that goes far beyond anyone else's opinion of who or what we are.

Grrrrrr..... I could go on, but I think I'll step off my soapbox now.

[Concisus Cognatus]

Originally Posted by Wes

As long as people get their sense of self worth from other people this kind of garbage will continue to happen. This is going to border on a rule violation with regards to discussing religion but I cannot help but say this.... When the Creator of matter says that you matter then you don't need to look anywhere else to know whether or not you have value. I constantly have to stifle my anger at the people who mope around feeling that they have to look a certain way or behave a certain way in order to stoke their own ego and/or gain approval from some other human being. We all have an innate value that is endowed by our creator that goes far beyond anyone else's opinion of who or what we are.

Grrrrrr..... I could go on, but I think I'll step off my soapbox now.

Amen ... and I'm out.

[suzyq111]

Originally Posted by photobykim

I've had this same discussion with MyKey recently. I told him that he was a good looking man, he disagrees. I told him that because he is who he is and he makes me laugh that that makes him good looking, not because he's "brad pitt" but because he's a nice, good guy with a good heart and spirit.

i'm glad someone else told him that because he doesn't believe me!!!

Anyhow...Kim...I have/had the same issues...I was anorexic and bulimic my senior year...i still fight everyday not to give in...i have been trying to be healthier perse (going to the gym, eating right) as opposed to my other methods of staying skinny...

But it is tough...I'm a size 2 and struggle constantly to not give into tempation to get down to a 0 any longer....

I think being in this industry tho...knowing how much photoshop goes into the images we see helps...ALOT...

i agree tho...it's a struggle tht everyone has to fight...when I was 8, my ballet teacher told me i was too fat...i went home crying that night, and my parents promptly removed me from the class....

Just try to do your best...that's all anyone can ask for!!

[Dobick]

While only somewhat related to this issue, I immediately thought of this comparative cartoon that I have seen in many forms in the past




Regardless of how big or bald or hairy or gruff looking I become through the years, I can still look in the mirror and recognize the guy that I was 15 or 20 years ago, and still think that I look kinda handsome. I wonder sometimes why others don't always see it in me.

I have met some dog-ugly women in my life, but because they were convinced that they were beautiful, and had the self-confidence to tell the man in their life that "I am special and you will regret not finding out for yourself" they were able to not only attract that man, but almost all men that came in contact with them. And while Jennifer Love Hewitt cannot ever be described as ugly or fat (or for that matter unattractive in any way) she has proven here that she indeed possesses the self confidence needed to tackle and conquer this cruel world.

More power to her.

[Concisus Cognatus]

Hey ! Who took my picture and turned it into a cartoon??? LOL

[tjavery]

Originally Posted by Wes

...I constantly have to stifle my anger at the people who mope around feeling that they have to look a certain way or behave a certain way in order to stoke their own ego and/or gain approval from some other human being...

I agree with what you've said and share your feelings.

It's a sick world out there. You just have to open your eyes a little bit to realize what's being glorified and shoved down our visual throats.

I watched a really good documentary some years ago called Killing Me Softly or Still Killing Me Softly, I think (can't remember too well in my advanced state of memory decay). As a guy, it really opened my eyes as to how certain ideals and standards are issued to women without even being aware (as well as defining and demeaning women as objects). It then become quite understandable how a young woman would become extremely self conscious of herself and accept certain "high" standards as the way to be seen.

It's everywhere. Just flick on the TV and take a look at the star roles in shows. Most of them look like toothpicks.

My wife loves Gray's Anatomy (I'm more of a Discovery/History/NG channel type of guy so I don't watch much else). The main character (again, don't watch it, so I don't know her name) is a toothpick. Her jaw looks so large and wide, but that's only because it contrasts against her pencil-thin neck. She'd look much better with 10 or 20 pounds added.

Where did we go wrong? A few years ago (well, many, many years ago), the women who were glorified were beautiful. They had curves and most could be described as voluptuous (my wife actually thought that was a mean and nasty way to describe a woman when I first met her; it is certainly not ).

I just don't understand how the anorexic-look is sexy or attractive. It isn't. It's disgusting!

[MikkiStreak]

All---- please keep this post in mind when you see a beautiful person and that is the thing you compliment them on.

This mentality isn't just in the larger-than-life photos we see in magazines or the stories of our past where someone was successful in placing the thoughts of self-doubt in our mind. It's in the small things too----

This isn't just my opinion, but honestly, my daughter is beautiful. Even as a baby, people would just go 'speechless' because of how beautiful she was. She will be 17 in about 2 weeks and everywhere we go, people comment on her beauty. My FI's family will stare at her because they think she's beautiful, she's been approached by modeling agency reps at everyday events like weddings, park outings, etc... and I can't count how many photographers have asked me to shoot her as their subject.

The first thing she hears from people is "You're so beautiful, you should be a model." But guess what this has done? Her greatest sense of self-worth comes from her appearance, no matter what I've taught her.

[photobykim]

Originally Posted by suzyq111

i'm glad someone else told him that because he doesn't believe me!!!

yeah, he says there is something mentally wrong with me. I told him put Brad Pitt and Bill Engvall in a room and I'm taking Bill Engvall home with me (if I wasn't married of course). He said see...something wrong with me.

As photographers we're taught to see "beauty" and I think that goes beyond what we're given in just the physical form. It does help to know what goes into those images a lot. I was laughing with my mom at the store the other day were we standing in line and a magazine headline read "see how Kelly Ripa got her buff Body" or something to that effect. I looked at my mom and I said a good photographer and someone that knew what they were doing in photoshop. So really that does help a lot.

Some days are better than others. It's interesting to see everyones thoughts on this. I have had to change a lot about how I react to myself and how I say things and do things when I had my son and daughter. I did not want them to learn from me that this is how a woman should treat herself and feel about her self and yes I say my son too, because this does affect him and how he will interact with women and how he will help his sister to learn and grow and protect and teach her as well as in his future.