Hollywood Squares

[Wes]

A friend sent this to me. If you remember the original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. PaulLynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. CharleyWeaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. GeorgeGobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. DonKnotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. RoseMarie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. CharleyWeaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. VincentPrice: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. GeorgeGobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. RoseMarie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. PaulLynde: ... Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. CharleyWeaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. RoseMarie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps - One is politics, what is the other?
A. PaulLynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. RoseMarie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the CampFire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. PaulLynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. PaulLynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. CharleyWeaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?
A. GeorgeGobel: Cattle crossing.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. PaulLynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horse radish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. GeorgeGobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. PaulLynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. CharleyWeaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. JackieGleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. CharleyWeaver: His feet

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. PaulLynde: Point and Laugh

[RKDauph]

Thanks.

[12stones]

You're right, those brought a tear to my eye. I miss that kind of spontaneity in humor. Thanks for sharing.

[kenw]

btw, the questions were known to the panel before the show so they could have time to "create" some answers. The correct answers were also given to them ahead of time, they got to choose how to answer.

[superdex]

Originally Posted by kenw

btw, the questions were known to the panel before the show so they could have time to "create" some answers. The correct answers were also given to them ahead of time, they got to choose how to answer.

Well they were obviously doing this for the Whopie Goldberg hosted version a few years ago too, but the outcome was simply awful. Just blatantly corny and bad. (You remember, the show would come on in the middle of the night when you couldn't sleep. But it was soooo bad, you got your lazy butt up off the couch to turn the TV off and go to bed.) The '70's were definately a simpler time. Thanks for sharing.

[onewingedangel73106]

thanks for the laugh i needed it

[Sonny]

All my co-workers are staring at me funny. All they hear is a constant laughter.

Thank you.

[Tim-in-TX]

"Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: ... Because chiffon wrinkles too easily."

This has got to be my all time favorite!

[AllenAyres]

Thank you