Pixtus - Photography Forum, Photographers, Photo Tips

Wes · **New Law -** 07-08-2008, 07:27 AM

WASHINGTON, DC--On Tuesday, Congress approved the Americans With No Abilities Act, sweeping new legislation that provides benefits and protection for more than 135 million talentless Americans.

The act, signed into law by President Bush shortly after its passage, is being hailed as a major victory for the millions upon millions of U.S. citizens who lack any real skills or uses.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans--through no fault of their own--do not possess the talent necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said Bush, a longtime ANA supporter. "Their lives are futile hamster-wheel existences of unrewarding, dead-end busywork: xeroxing documents written by others, fulfilling mail-in rebates for Black & Decker toaster ovens, and processing bureaucratic forms that nobody will ever see. Sadly, for these millions of nonabled Americans, the American dream of working hard and moving up through the ranks is simply not a reality."

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million important-sounding "middle man" positions will be created in the white-collar sector for nonabled persons, providing them with an illusory sense of purpose and ability. Mandatory, non-performance-based raises and promotions will also be offered to create a sense of upward mobility for even the most unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees.

The legislation also provides corporations with incentives to hire nonabled workers, including tax breaks for those who hire one non-germane worker for every two talented hirees.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act also contains tough new measures to prevent discrimination against the nonabled by banning prospective employers from asking such job-interview questions as, "What can you bring to this organization?" and "Do you have any special skills that would make you an asset to this company?"

"As a nonabled person, I frequently find myself unable to keep up with co-workers who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as an unessential filing clerk at a Minneapolis tile wholesaler last month because of her lack of notable skills. "This new law should really help people like me. "With the passage of the Americans With No Abilities Act, Gertz and millions of other untalented, inessential citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Bush: "It is our duty, both as lawmakers and as human beings, to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her lack of value to society, some sort of space to take up in this great nation."

The Philos · 07:54 AM

10 years old:http://www.snopes.com/humor/iftrue/noabilities.asp.

kenw · 07-08-2008, 07:50 AM

I highly doubt anyone was "duped" by this, it is obviously tongue-in-cheek humor. I am a bit surprised that snopes even mentions it.

In fact, I think snopes is the one "duped", since they seemed to think it has the potential to be taken seriously.

The Philos · 07-08-2008, 07:55 AM

I don't think so since this is 10 years-old and the internet was a much different place then.

Steelsun · 07-08-2008, 08:39 AM

Funny.

But alas, this is the way our school systems are workign right now, and youth sports (there are no losers, everyone gets an award)

barP · 07-08-2008, 08:49 AM

that has to be from the onion!

love it.

wp.

LDB · 07-08-2008, 08:49 AM

It's called socialism, coming soon in a candidate left of you. This is a humorous piece though, albeit as already mentioned indicative of societal attitudes to eliminate any need or incentive to excel.

rockin-photos · 07-08-2008, 09:20 AM

It may have some small amount of truth in it, as I've worked for a couple of companies who seemed to have several "unremarkable, utterly replaceable employees" working there. I often had to work directly with them repairing their "work".