I have to ask a very long winded question and tell story for it to make sense

[Breezy]

I know what I feel but I want others opinions too.

So a friend (or so I thought) of mine came up Monday from SC stayed with me Monday night, We went to DC yesterday and she spent last night with me and then on to CT this morning to see her dh. We haven't seen each other since I left VA 3 yrs ago as they left for SC a month later.
Any way she came to visit. The first night was interesting but no biggie, kids were hyper cause of the ride or so I thought. They destroyed my kids rooms, but I was like no biggie they will put it back together the next day, or atleast before they leave. NOT!!!!
So we get up I drive to DC, as she asks me to since our vehicle is big enough for everyone and she will split gas with me. Yeah ok it cost me $79 dollar she paid me $20!

My huge problem though is that while in DC, we went to several of the monuments and what not. My only request was that we see the Vietnam wall again and I had my kids pick a name and pencil it, and when we start school in 2 weeks we will research them and then the next time we go back we will look for some of the buddies and what not that we read about.

Any way the Geese are EVERYWHERE!! To me the monuments are a place to pay your respects not act like IDIOTS! Apparently we were the idiots for taking 5 kids ages, 10, 10, 9, 7 and 7. But any way, to me that is old enough to know right and wrong etc.......
The 10 yr old would run up to the geese and SCREAM!!!!! at them Yes we were out side but again you are supposed to pay your respect! I said something to the "friend" and her reply was "oh well we are outside so I don't care" I was like that is just stupid, I said they are being VERY disrespectful, she just looked at me like I had fallen from the sky or something.
So Do you think that was disrespectful? Or am I being an anal asshole, as it was pretty much put? Both families are military and even if we weren't I would feel the same way.

Any way we are aparently totally different about the way we raise our kids and just 3 years ago it was very similar, and I haven't changed really. My kids know right from wrong, when to be respectful, not be rude etc.... Far from Angels but they were raised to have manners etc....

Many things I witnessed were, Screaming at the geese, trying to get in the reflection pools, Screaming in bathroom, had bathroom door slammed in my face cause I opened it up and said this is BS and needs to stop, 7 yr old walking around in MY car seats with shoes on ( I went off on this one), screaming cause 7 yr old is watching a movie in middle seat and child in back seat is watching too and laughing, so the 7 yr old turned movie off and said "now you can't watch it", Running, jumping and doing cartwheels in the front of one of the theaters in the Smithsonian.

Needless to say with all of that BS going on my dd walked away from me in the museum and didn't answer when I called her. I grabbed her by her arm and told all 3 they would walk in single file line and follow me the rest of the day, some woman had the never to say " I think mom needs to chill"!!! Well I snapped and went off on this chick and informed her it was none of her business if it weren't her kid! Man I could really have beaten someone yesterday lol.
And the sad part was my kids felt at times well if the other 2 can do such and such so can we, even though they knew that it was against our rules.

So am I just being a bitch about stupid things or would it have bugged the crap out of you too?
Needless to say I told my kids that they won't be coming back to stay with us lol, and if I do make it to HI like we had "planned" I won't be staying with her, I will pay out my butt for my own room lol.

[Truckman]

The sad thing is that those kids will someday raise kids that will behave the same way...I recommend disassociation from them in the future...Ben

[canoflan]

Originally Posted by Truckman

The sad thing is that those kids will someday raise kids that will behave the same way...I recommend disassociation from them in the future...Ben

"right and wrong?" Go figure.

[ka5txl]

Originally Posted by Breezy

I know what I feel but I want others opinions too.

So a friend (or so I thought) of mine came up Monday from SC

Breezy,

I think you answered it in the beginning of your second sentence. If they come to visit again be sure to inform them in advance that you would be happy to help them find (but not pay for) hotel reservations. I certaintly would not take any trips with them or be seen in public with her and her unruly mob

[alamoshutterbug]

Nothing wrong in expecting discipline from both adults and children.

[Breezy]

Thanks Ben
I am done. I will speak with her through email but my kids won't be exposed to that. My nervers can't take that crap lol. I was so stressed I couldn't eat dinner last night, but then part of it may have been cause they were banging on the table with a fork and knife ( can't figure out why they needed them with pizza in the first place but what ever) and demanding refills instead doing like my kids and waiting and then saying "yes please"

Pat I know what you mean and I know that everyone has their own rules for what is right and wrong but to me somethings are just common sense. KWIM?

[Breezy]

Thanks Larry,
We got home about midnight last night and dh was like so how did it go, I said don't ask lol just be glad you didn't go. He would have gotten arrested cause he would have went off on her kids. I put up with 1000 times more crap than he would and I said things to them, but then I would hear them go "mom I don't like your friend she is mean" crap lol.
They even asked my kids why I am so mean, I said cause my kids know how to act and they "know better" and I expect more out of them. Her thing was "well they are just kids"! No crap I am all for kids being kids but lets have manners and respect, that isn't too much to ask, or atleast I don't think it is.

Ken not sure if you lost me of if I am reading into what you are saying. Are you referring to the adults when I went off on the lady in the museum or just adults in general?

[futurshox]

Sounds like you're perfectly justified to feel the way you do, Breezy! I'd have been driven nuts too.

[ara.bentley]

I don't have children yet - but will fully expect them to have manners and respect for other people and esp places that have a meaning. I think by at least 10, children should have a grasp on what a memorial is and why you should act in a certain manner.

I have friends in several different parts of the US right now having kids. They are all still babies - but I bet it will be interesting to see the difference in how we raise our children! I can only hope it won't be as bad as your experience!!! Good luck - I hope you can keep your friend still - even if you don't see her as often...

[snidow]

Breezy,
I am totally with you on this, I am so tired of kids that won't behave and parents that wont do anything about it. Kids are running through restaurants these days, little kids too. Kids run through the stores and run into people and their parents do nothing, and why do people let their kids drink all the soda with caffeine and sugar they can reach for?? My room mate was babysitting her grandsons the other night and the 10 year old got mad over nothing, knocked over the chair and walked out of the apartment. She went after him, which I guess no one does most of the time and made him come back into the apartment. Made him pick up the chair and told him to start acting his age and not like a 2 year old. The kid was shocked and decided to not mess with grandma

[Bruce M. Morris]

Breezy, I think you were right to expect your kids to behave in public. I am sure you have seen it in the commisary that there are some parents that control their kids and there are some that don't. You will see the results in a few years when other parents start asking you what you did to have such wonderful kids and they are welcome in other homes because of it. It sounds like this 'friend' of yours has just not been as diligent as you two have been in raising her kids. The only reason I would see in continuing the friendship is if she asks/ mentions the behaviour difference and wants to improve her kids. I dont see that happening.

[alamoshutterbug]

Breezy, I think I may be the ken you were referring to. I worked in retail a long time (book store, kids section), and can say that generally well behaved adults will have well behaved children. I guess I was trying to say that for someone to have children that bad, they themselves lack discipline on some level. It takes discipline to instill it, so I was paying you and your well behaved kids a compliment.

It was ok to snap at that lady, people like to speak up without knowing what is really going on. I saw that all the time in retail too.

[Jenny Z]

Originally Posted by alamoshutterbug

Nothing wrong in expecting discipline from both adults and children.

I agree 100% with Eric.

I would've done the same thing... that's just ridiculous.

[jeffkohn]

Unfortunately, based on what I see in public on a regular basis, your friend's attitude about how her kids behave in public seems to be the norm these days, not the exception. Most of the kids I see in public are like that; I think many parents are used to it from their own kids since they're around them all the time, and either don't think about about or don't care about whether others in public want to put up with it.

We tend to avoid "family-friendly" places as much as possible because I just don't like being around misbehaving brats.

[M12576]

WOW! I don't think you over reacted. Sometimes in the heat of the moment you get fed up with it and snap. I would have pulled my kids aside and reminded them of the rules and the consequences. I have several friends that I haven't exactly diassociated with, but just opted for not doing family friendly things with anymore because of something like this. If they can't control their own kids I dont want to be associated in public with them. And as far as your situation, yes it was outside but when the kids become a burden on someone else trying to enjoy the monuments then it's rude.