Ken Rockwell - The Chuck Norris of Photography

[d2creative]

This was posted a year ago on dpreview.
For those that haven't seen it before, it's pretty darn funny.


Ken Rockwell is the Chuck Norris of photography

* Ken Rockwell's camera has similar settings to ours, except his are: P[erfect] Av[Awesome Priority Tv[Totally Awesome Priority] M[ajestic]

* Ken Rockwell doesn't color correct. He adjusts your world to match his.

* Sure, Ken Rockwell deletes a bad photo or two. Other people call these Pulitzers.

* Ken Rockwell doesn't adjust his DOF, he changes space-time.

* Circle of confusion? You might be confused. Ken Rockwell never is.

* Ken Rockwell doesn't wait for the light when he shoots a landscape - the light waits for him.

* Ken Rockwell never flips his camera in portrait position, he flips the earth

* Ken Rockwell ordered an L-lens from Nikon, and got one.

* Ken Rockwell is the only person to have photographed Jesus; unfortunately he ran out of film and had to use a piece of cloth instead.

* When Ken Rockwell brackets a shot, the three versions of the photo win first place in three different categories

* Before Nikon or Canon releases a camera they go to Ken and they ask him to test them, the best cameras get a Nikon sticker and the less good get a Canon sticker

* Once Ken tested a camera, he said I cant even put Canon on this one,thats how Pentax was born

* Rockwellian policy isn't doublethink - Ken doesn't even need to think once

* Ken Rockwell doesn't use flash ever since the Nagasaki incident.

* Only Ken Rockwell can take pictures of Ken Rockwell; everyone else would just get their film overexposed by the light of his genius

* Ken Rockwell wanted something to distract the lesser photographers, and lo, there were ducks.

* Ken Rockwell is the only one who can take self-portraits of you

* Ken Rockwell's nudes were fully clothed at the time of exposure

* Ken Rockwell once designed a zoom lens. You know it as the Hubble SpaceTelescope.

* When Ken unpacks his CF card, it already has masterpieces on it.

* Rockwell portraits are so lifelike, they have to pay taxes

* On Ken Rockwell's desktop, the Trash Icon is really a link to National Geographic Magazine

* Ken Rockwell spells point-and-shoot "h-a-s-s-e-l-b-l-a-d"

* When Ken Rockwell went digital, National Geographic nearly went out of business because he was no longer phyically discarding photos

* For every 10 shots that Ken Rockwell takes, 11 are keepers.

* Ken Rockwell's digital files consist of 0's, 1's AND 2's.

* Ken Rockwell never focus, everything moves into his DoF

* Ken Rockwell's shots are so perfect, Adobe redesigned photoshop for him: all it consists of is a close button.

* The term tripod was coined after his silhouette

* Ken Rockwell never produces awful work, only work too advanced for the viewer

* A certain braind of hig-end cameras was named after people noticed the quality was a lot "like a" rockwell

* Ken Rockwell isn't the Chuck Norris of photography; Chuck Norris is the Ken Rockwell of martial arts.

* Ken Rockwell never starts, he continues

[Thorpeland]

LOL Those are great!

[Shelby Lane]

These are great.

[SaSha]

Funny Stuff! All my IE favorites go to Ken Rockwell something.

[barP]

that right there is funny. to truly appreciate how funny, a trip to the chuck norris facts web page is in order.

i wonder if i can get a ken rockwell t-shirt to go with my "what would chuck norris do?" shirt?

wp.

[Spec A!]

* Once Ken tested a camera, he said I cant even put Canon on this one,thats how Pentax was born

That's awesome.

[Charles Putnam]

Chuck Norris just called.

He read this.

He's pissed.

That's not good.



My all-time favorite was Ken Blockheads "Color Management is for Wimps" - proof positive he doesn't know what he's talking about.

[ngoduyviet]

Originally Posted by Charles Putnam

Chuck Norris just called.

He read this.

He's pissed.

That's not good.



My all-time favorite was Ken Blockheads "Color Management is for Wimps" - proof positive he doesn't know what he's talking about.

My favorite has to be his "left-handed" Nikon made just for him

[MikeC]

LOL... pretty darn funny there!

Reminds me of "The Most Intersting Man in the WORLD" Dos Equis beer.

[porkchop2785]

These are funny, I have heard of Ken Rockwell, I have been to his site, but just exactly who is he? What makes him acheive Chuck Norris status?

[TimmyTheTag]

Actually I think color management is for wimps, but color calibrating your monitor is a must.

What I find funny is that people have all these "awesome" looking photos, but yet how many of them can take them straight from their camera and do very little post processing. A little light, crop or color adjustment is rarely done anymore.

Isn't the picture supposed to come out of your camera done! I think many have forgotten that what makes a photographer great is getting it right with the camera, not Photoshop or other programs.

I'm just a beginner and barely know much compared to the many experience pros here (and I mean Professionals not impersonators!). However, I do hope one day I will have a percent of his photographic skills and knowledge.

Regards,
Dave Cordell

[Charles Putnam]

Ken's view was that you didn't reaqlly need to calibrate your monitor, worry about printer profiles, and that having WalMart or Costco print your prints was acceptable.

You're right that the picture you take should need very little post processing. "Getting it right on the front end" is always the goal - right exposure, correct lighting, etc.

[d2creative]

Originally Posted by TimmyTheTag

Isn't the picture supposed to come out of your camera done! I think many have forgotten that what makes a photographer great is getting it right with the camera, not Photoshop or other programs.

There's a difference between fixing your image because you screwed up taking it, and ENHANCING your image in the digital darkroom. Do you think that Ansel Adams' images came out of the camera like that???

[TimmyTheTag]

Then why can't anyone duplicate what he (Ansel Adams) did.

[iCe]

Originally Posted by TimmyTheTag

Then why can't anyone duplicate what he (Ansel Adams) did.

Who says they can't... all it takes is a pack mule or two... a big chunk of wood with a lens and some film... not that fancy crap that comes in a roll either. Oh... yeah... there's the whole days in the darkroom thing.

actually... they'll need a time machine too... the images that Ansel shot were taken in the past. As far as we know there is no way to go back to the exact moment in time that he (or anyone else) tripped the shutter.

One day... when you've had some time to learn the craft, you'll be able to follow why Photoshop is used...