Traffic answer....maybe

[kenw]

After careful analysis and much personal research, I have developed a theory that explains the recent Houston traffic issues.

Historical and heretofore anecdotal evidence has pointed to some sort of mind-altering effect created by 4 octagonal shaped objects when placed at mutual 90 degrees, when one side of the octagonal objects is red in color and the other side is unpainted. The painted sides are typically facing away from each other, with the unpainted sides facing each other (at 90 degrees). Some data suggests the effect is unaltered by the exact orientation of the object, as the effect has been noted when the octagonal devices, one or more, are laying in a ditch aligned with muddy tire tracks along either side of the device and the pole to which it is attached.

Evidence has shown that fully functional humans or all ages, genders, races and mental capacities, when approaching the aforementioned zone, initially see a marked increase in tension, irritability and impatience beyond normal. However, once the driver reaches a point approximately alongside one of the octagonal markers, all of the previously noted perturbations cease and most mental functions are frozen. Along with the frozen mental state, most have a simultaneous convulsion in the right leg, typically resulting in a rapid movement between the brake and accelerator pedals. The result is a lurching, erratic movement thru the intersection by the driver with glazed eyes or, in many cases, rapid eye movement accompanied by a dropped jaw and apparent look of absolute horror. Evidently the facial muscles function normally during this period of temporary brain inactivity,, indicationg brain stem function. Drivers going straight across appear to be affected less than those attempting to cross diagonal, negotiating a 90 degree turn within the force field.

Drivers attempting to cross the force field diagonally have also reported inexplicable seat wetting.

My theory is that the alignment of the 4 octagonal objects, including the coloration, orientation and proximity to the driving pathway, creates an invisible force field affecting the said drivers in the manners described above. A similar effect is noted by a similar orientation of red, flashing lights. Flashing lights have long been known to induce altered mental states, however the relationship between the flashing red lights and the octagonal devices is unknown at this point although the similar geometric orientation does appear to indicate a relationship. The flashing light occurrences seem to have a semi-permanent effect on the environment and the results are noted on the human subjects even if the lights are not illuminated.

I have titled the theory the “quad-Orthagonal Parallelogramatic Lobotomization Effect”, or qOPLE.

I am looking for funding for this research, and if I can determine a Global Warming angle to it I am certain that research funds will be generously forthcoming.

Pier reviewed data will be available once I can find a pier to review it upon.

[CFord]

I am just having fun looking out the window of my office at the light rail track where the lights are out and think that maybe your theory could be expanded to included lighted devices instead of static painted objects. The difference in this situation includes the presence of a large object that proves out Newtons theory where objects in motion tend to remain in motion even after impacting with smaller objects. The smaller objects remain in motion but the direction of movement is changed severely by contact with the larger object. The only thing that remains the same is the continued use of facial expressions both during the change in direction and after the objects comes to rest.

I'll support you on this research and including the light rail and SUV confluence would help with the Global warming angle as the light rail is eco-friendly.

[kenw]

Chris, qOPLE may partially explain light rail in general....

[CFord]

If it helps they do have a pair of octagonal shaped objects facing the direction of motion of the smaller objects but lack the opposing pair of octagonal shaped objects facing the direction of travel for the larger object.

[Whumbahcumba]

I am quite concerned at my ability to fully understand the aforementioned theory while conjointly completely refraining from understanding it at all. I believe that through this correlation between knowledge and disknowledge, I have created a vortex in which the potential of learning has been nullified. I shall now devote the rest of my life to sleeping, eating and taking pictures.