OK I have to ask

[Breezy]

For you guys out there. If your wife wanted to go to a large city like DC, LA, NYC etc.... And you couldn't go would you tell her "you can't go", "honey I would prefer that you don't go" "sure just be careful"??? What would you say?
I ask because dh is leaving REALLY soon. I want to go to DC and even possibly NYC for Christmas. He told me he doesn't want me to go cause I am out numbered by the kids well DUH. Even with him I am out numbered lol. But my thing is since I have to be here I want to make the best of it and do all of the things we didn't get to do last time as I hope to not be here for the last 3 years lol. The thing is I have always gone any and everywhere I wanted. Even with 3 kids. And he knows that I am the type that if he were to tell me that I "can't" go that I would do it just to prove that I could. So trying to figure out what he as a guy is really meaning etc.. So what do yall think he really means?

[KdLaneJr]

DC isn't too bad. NYC is only okay if you don't drive in, otherwise the combat driving is insane. From a personal safety standpoint, there is plenty of security in DC at the National Christmas tree, "The Mall", etc. The one time I went to NYC it was in Manhattan and I didn't have a problem, but I didn't go anywhere that I shouldn't have either.

[srwatters]

I would say (and have said) "have fun and be careful".

[CaptainTom]

With some common sense, I would say go ahead unless he says NO YOU CAN"T. Then, I'd find some counseling and figure out what the real issue is.
Is he jealous that you get to experience the sites with the kids and not him?
Is he so afraid of the city that he thinks you'll be killed? Does he just want to control you while he's gone ? What if a friend went with you to help corral the kids ? Would he feel better about that ? Lots of questions, but my marriage counseling skills are better when face to face.

[dpena]

well as for me and my wife,,, im the one that usually says what i mean. like, say i ask her if its cool i go hang out with my buds and she says "sure" not meaning sure ya go hang out have a blast, be careful, its is if it were a dare.! so that i usually have to decifer what "sure" means. Like if im not hungry when she makes dinner she will start to ask me if i didnt like her cooking ? No Dear im full, im not hungry. Then an hour later, So you didnt like my cooking huh ? or the dreaded (after hearing doors slamming and heavy stomping around the house) are you mad ? responce "do you have to ask?" um yea and then are you mad at me ? (which is a very important question.) anyways but that still doesnt answer you question and i dont know your husband but i think most guys will say just about what they mean.

since im working i would say find a baby sitter if you wanna go, have fun be careful. i dont really think i would say i dont want you to go but if i felt a bad feeling i definately tell her about the bad feeling and still let her make the choice

[Breezy]

Thanks all I think he is just being a grouch period. He has never done this before. As for controlling me. Heck he knows that would never happen. Normally he would say what he means but all he said was he didn't want the kids and I to go alone. And because they out number me?!?! Uh the youngest is 8 and this is his 2nd sea duty since having all of them. I think if I can do DC with the "friend" I sure as heck think I can do it with just my 3 lol. Oh well maybe when he pulls his head out of his ass we can talk about it. Thanks :D Either way if I want to go I will, I mean I have already told him the kids and I are going to Europe when he deploys and hopefully we can meet the ship atleast once. He thinks I am absolutely insane, maybe I am lol but I think it would be fun, eventful and very educational for the kids.
Thanks again for all of the help.

Oh and as for being jealous I don't think it is that, as I suggested we go this weekend Sun-Tues for veterans day since it would be decorated etc... But he doesn't want to drive!!! I was like hello you can sit in the passenger seat and close your eyes just as good as I can haha. He didn't like that idea.

[JenJohnson79]

my husband and I both tell each other "go have fun, be careful." I know he can handle all three kids by himself. . . he may be ready to pull his hair out by the time he gets home, his patience isn't as great as mine. . . but he can do it. And he damn well knows I can handle it . . . if I couldn't we wouldn't ever have groceries or anything else for that matter as he works 12 hours a day 5 to 6 days a week. . .

[epoh]

LoL. My step-mom used to take me, my 3 siblings and a couple of friends down to DC or the Baltimore inner harbor all the time. In fact, when we went to the inner harbor she used to let me, my older sister and my step-brother who is nearly the same age go off by ourselves!! for hours at a time and we'd just meet up at the food court place, lol.

[Breezy]

Hey Jen I know what you mean. Heck he has been gone for 8.5 months once. I think I can deal. I think he just has his head up his ass like I said earlier lol.
Amy I don't trust mine that far lol. My kids will talk to anybody :(

[AndrewCCM]

Originally Posted by srwatters

I would say (and have said) "have fun and be careful".

Ditto.

[gardener]

Yep... have fun and be careful is what I usually say. She's been all over the US, Europe, Russia, and China without me before and after we were married (20 years last Spring) and she's always returned safe and sound with lots of new stories to tell. I will say that she usually goes with a travel group of some sort or friends so it's not like she travels totally by herself.

[ramblinray]

I seem to remember some slight misadventure on you last trip to DC with you friend. Perhaps he remembers also and remembers details you didn't mention to us. If you want to behave like a child and buck up against his wishes, be prepared to suffer the consequences. Why not do the adult thing and calmly discuss his reasons for not wanting you to go. It may be something as simple as he wants the opportunity to do that with the family. Perhaps he fears for your safety and can't explain that to you in a manner that would convince you not to go. Seems you stated you would be stationed there for a few years, why not defer until he can accompany you for a family trip.

That all said, I would have told my wife to go and be careful. Then, I am not married to you and my kids are not the same as yours. Since I do not know you or your children other than from this forum, I'd have to recommend trying the above.

[Breezy]

Thanks Ray. I just find it odd that he has never said this before. I too have been all over the country by myself. Apparently he is bothered with the fact that someone might "take" one of the kids. They would bring them back though if they did lol. Apparently me going alone isn't an issue as he knows I can handle myself but apparently I can't handle 3 kids that I have been handling for over 8 years?!?
He said he wouldnt' have an issue with it if a "friend" were going but we don't have any friends here. We have a few aquantances (sp) that we meet at other duty stations but that is it. I am pretty much a loner and don't try to get to know many too well cause it isn't worth it. Once we settle down it would be different. An aquantance of mines grandfather will be burried at Arlington in mid Dec. Maybe she and I can plan something. But not sure how that would go as she as and 11 mo old and is pregnant.

My only thing with it all is I am a grown woman perfectly capable of taking care of myself and the kids. So I don't get what all of the hoopla is about. Heck I drove to TX from VA very last minute in June cause it was too much of a hassle for family to watch the kids, the kids came with me. I was told I was stupid etc... but you know what we all made it fine. Maybe I am childish, but I just don't "get it", why all of a sudden. Had he been like this all along it would be different.

As for waiting until he comes home we can do that too. I tried to get him to go this weekend. He doesn't want to go. Maybe it is the back pain who knows he is just grouchy lately period. Any way gotta deliver pics I will be back for more later :D

[AndrewCCM]

I for one am not a fan of discussing marital issues on a photo forum. Not that it can't be beneficial, but airing laundry can later come back to haunt you.

Then again, I post controversial statements all the time.

[MicWayWal]

If my wife came to me saying what you said; these would be my immediate thoughts:
My first thought is about safety. Will going with kids make you more vulnerable because you are paying attention to the kids than your safety? Will it make my kids more vulnerable? It is hard enough to go someplace with two parents. What if the car breaks down?
Will the fun be worth it? Will the good times you will have be offset by the annoyances of taking three kids with you? What will you do when they get on your nerves? Will you really be able to do all the things you think you can do?
I know these are all negative thoughts but that is just where my mind went.