Anyone had to do this?

[carrbowl]

Well I've had to put animals to sleep, but haven't had to do it with children involved. We got this dog about 4 years ago, she was 6 at the time (so now she's 10). We are the 3rd home she has lived in. She can't see out of her right eye, she is getting hard of hearing, she's barely manuevering the steps, sleeps all day, pees, poops, and barfs anywhere, and at all times of the day and night. So it's time .... we have been warning the kids that the time is coming. My 14 year old daughter loves this dog, cleans up her "messes" without being told, sometimes keeps the dog in her room at night so she doesn't bother anyone else, and I know she will miss her, but yesterday she made the comment "when we get a new dog, I want to name it ........" so I took the hint that meant she was ready. Now we just have to figure out how.

So did any of you, as a child, have to go through this? As an adult, did you have to go through this with a child? Did you allow the child to go to the vet? Or just say goodbye at home? She wants to go to the vet and stay with the dog....I'm thinking that will make it harder..I'm looking for advice from people that have been through this...tell me what worked for you, and what you would do different.

[snidow]

As a child my dad would take care of it, we would just not see the pet again. It would be at the vet's and then never come home. I figured out later that he had them put to sleep something I am soon to face I feel with my own dog, but I do not have children. I think it would be best to have the kids say goodbye at home, if you have ever watched the animal channels emergency vet show, its so emotional when an animal is put to sleep it overwhelms the adults. I would have preferred that my dad was honest with me and that my animals just didn't disappear one day. Not sure if that helps any, sorry to hear about the dog but it sounds like you are making the right choice.

[kula23]

It would be better if you explain to them and have to say goodbye at home but taking them to vet and watched them die, will be more confused and more emotional. I always stayed home and said good byes to them and never came home. That is the best way. I am sorry for your loss.

[JenJohnson79]

I have a 10 year old lab mix, and this is my greatest fear. He's been my companion since he was 8 months old. I have three kids, my oldest cut her first tooth on his ear, he would lay his head in her lap and she would chew away. . . He's healthy now, but I know dogs don't live forever.

In my family we would say good bye at home, and my dad would take the dog to the vet. It worked for us. I kind of wished it would go down like that again with my dog now. . . . but being an adult I know it's my responsibility. SUCKS BEING GROWN UP!

I've had to say goodbye to four dogs in my lifetime. Two passed away at home, and two were put to sleep. In all honesty it was easier for me to handle the two that were put to sleep. I could pretend they just ran away or something. I was 14 the last time I had to put a dog to sleep. It was sad, there were tears, but children move on pretty easily.

Sorry about your puppy. Good luck with your children.

[toverman]

At least with your 14-year-old, you may want to involve her in the decision and give her the option to go to the vet with you. You know her better than we do, so that may not be the best. But she's probably old enough to want closure, which may mean just saying goodbye at the house.

[brad]

I posted this to my blog several years ago when we lost one of our very dear cats... and was most special to my then not quite 15 year old son... warning, I've been told this post has made people cry at their desks.

http://bradbarton.us/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=176

Bottom line, though.. our kids are tougher than we give them credit for.

[Roy]

I've been through this and right or wrong I took my whole family to the vet to say good bye to one of our loyal companions. We all shed our tears as a family.

The last one was tough on me though. She died in the back yard and I wasn't expecting it. My family is grown so no kids at home but for me that was the toughest thing I've gone through with a family pet because that dog and I had truley become great friends and I've still got the ribbons and awards she won on display. She died about 9 years ago. I took her to the grounds we did so much training at and had permission to bury her there. A good friend helped be dig a grave and we buried her. I'll never forget that dog. Her name was Sable and she was another black lab.

But it's a decision you have to make. Every family is different. I would take the dog to the vet though. Finding one and not expecting it is not good.

[J Eddington]

At 14 I say listen to her. She knows and understands what is going on. If she cares so much to take care of this dog with out being told and takes her in her room so the dog won't bother anyone else she is ready. Let her go if she wishes.
I have had MANY animals in my life, too many dogs to count. I never saw my parents kill the ones we were to eat, even though I raised them. But all our dogs died at home (but one), and sometimes I got to carry them to the place they were to be burried. My Dad had tears, because I HAD to carry them, (he say's it is the only time I ever yelled at him) and place them in the hole he had dug. It was my way to say goodbye.

The only time this didn't happen, I knew mom was taking the dog to the vet and she was sick. She never came home, Mom had her put to sleep, because the cancer was sooooo bad. I have never been soooo mad. It lasted for months, because I never got to say goodbye. While I understand why she did it(36 years ago), I guess I am still mad that I wasn't there, when I should have been.

[Dobick]

As a family there have been a few of our pets that needed to be put to sleep. The first one that I remember (Sonny -- german shorthair pointer) came when I was probably 11 or 12. It was hit by a car when it got out of the backyard and darted straight across the road. We were in the front when it happened, and I saw the collision. I went with my dad to the vet to take care of the situation. We had two dogs at the time so a year or so later the second one (Bismarck - an alaskan malmute/husky mix) was consumed with heartworms and swelled up to two times his normal running weight and had a mix of health problems from the worms, so we had him put to sleep. Dad took care of that. By the time I was 16, our newest dog (Chico - another shorthaired pointer - solid white except for the freckles on his nose) started going out of his mind (he was getting old and his body and mind was going on him at the same time) needed to be put down. A friend of the family agreed to take care of him, but I decided the thing to do would be to take him to the vet, so I took care of that on my own.

I was in the army when the pet that we had the longest (trivia - a little mut that looked like a terrier/snauzer cross) died in the backyard on a winter morning. She had been with the family for 15 or 16 years. I am glad that I was not there when that happened.

The last time (and the last pet that our family has had) was three years ago. (Tana - small australian sheperd) was blind and deaf and had started shivering and could not stop. On the advice of the vet, I had her put to sleep, but I was pretty sure that was going to be the diagnosis when I took her to the emergency room that night. I stayed in the room with her until she stopped shivering and I knew it was the right thing.

I go through this blow by blow account not for the sake of being perverse, but more for the sake of illustrating that I grew up with the idea that death is the inevitable part of life. I knew it at an early age, and it has helped me deal with grief in my life.

It is not an easy thing, but I don't think that you should shield kids if they are old enough to handle the idea of death.

[janetg]

when my oldest was 17, we were out of town with my other daughter, and our 12 year old lab started dying of kidney failure. she had to take him to the vet (60lbs) herself - it was heartwrenching - we were not there for either of them. she managed.

[C!LLY]

I used to work for a vet and we didnt let children in there with them. I thinkt hat if your daughter is 14 she's old enough to handle going to the vet, but thats y'alls discretion.

[dtscds]

I have never had a pet so I can't offer any sage advice. But, I asked my wife who had a dog or cat, or multiples of them, all throughout her life. She says the 14 year old seems to be pretty responsible and probably mature enough to make the decision for herself. Still, as the adult, you will have to use your judgment knowing what a painful situation is waiting at the vet's office.
Personally, I would agree with what the wife and others on here have said. This may be one of those situations in her young life where her wings get stretched a bit as you prepare her for leaving the nest. I think it would be good, and important, for her to see how you handle the situation.
I agree with Brad that kids are probably tougher than we expect.
I also agree with Jennifer--in times like these, being a grown up sucks!

[carrbowl]

Well Katy went to....what did Murph call it rainbow bridge...my daughter did great. She decided on her own she didnt' want to go. She wore Katy's dog tags on a necklace to school today. It was tough with the kids...was doing good at the vet until the vet came in crying. When checking out I found out the vet had to do the same thing to her dog on Monday (when I was there last to discuss this decision)....needless to say that did not help!! But Katy is no longer miserable...

[lucian]

When I lost Harley (at age 15) I cried for three days. I still get choked up. She was a best friend of the highest caliber.

A friend introduced me to "Rainbow Bridge". I did a montage with Harley, a bridge and the poem. I have it hanging on my wall at work.

If you want a copy of it give me a PM and I'll get a copy to you. I don't know who composed it. It's a beautiful thought.

[newtune3]

I know that it is pulling your heart. The one and only dog I had to put to sleep was ready. He could not see and barely could get up. To me the important thing is to take the body that housed that wonderful animal and bury it as a family. Let them see and understand the finality of it all. It is a tough lesson but the "funeral" for a pet can bring some peace. We lost many animals growing up and the "funeral and burial" helped us all. Sorry you have to make that right, hard choice. Give Love!