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Digital Prophet · **In My Fridge ... -** 10-12-2005, 07:43 AM

I have a gallon of milk that is about to go bad. And I don't mean like I bought it last week and the expiration date is the 7th. No I mean that it is about to go bad. Evil. Turn to a life of crime. Embrace the dark side. I mean this is some bad milk.

I see it there when I open my fridge. Sitting. Plotting. Acting all innocent. But I know better. Last night I crept up on the fridge and pressed my ear against the door so that I could listen. And I heard it in there, my gallon of evil. It was plotting. Trying to convince my tub of butter to revolt with it. To pick up arms, to join the fight. But the butter waffled. It seemed to agree with the politics of the matter but was just not what you might call a dairy product of action. Yet I fear...the milk may hold sway.

I fear what may come next. Could it be that my milk will take hold of a Eckridge sausage link and lie in wait for me to unsuspectedly open the door. Is it planning an ambush? Will it try to bludgeon me with my own processed salted meat? Fear passes through me. But I must hold strong.

I cannot show fear. I must not change my habits of dietary delight lest the milk notice that my trips to the fridge lessen. That I know what it knows. I must form a plan, a strategy. I suspect that the milk has a weakness, it must for it is only mortal. Maybe I will spring upon the gallon of defiance armed with a package of instant pudding in hopes to immobilize it before it can strike. Perhaps I should simply barricade the door and leave it to the armistice of decay and play the waiting game. But to sacrifice the innocent. The butter. My loyal tomato that campaigns against the dairy division of death. And to know that even in death the milk will have it revenge. A biological weapon whose disposal can almost certainly not be safe. No it cannot be.

I must face this beast. This pasteurized assassin. I will stand strong. I will fool the milk into believing that it is needed. I will place an empty, tightly lidded, can of chocolate powder on the shelf above the milk. I will confuse the milk between reinforcement and insurgent. Then when the moment is right, when the time has come... I will snatch it from its haven. I shall reach for the Jimmy Dean breakfast patty but strike at the handle. Grab it from the shelf that is its staging round. And in a 180-degree spin of self-defense I will deposit the fiend into the sink. I will dilute the evil before releasing it into the water system.

I must be swift. I must be strong. I must strike soon. Because it won't be long now. Not much time will pass before the milk in my fridge has gone completely bad.

- Digital Prophet -

Hogleg 44 · 10-12-2005, 08:01 AM

Be aware of the prospective comraderie that may exist between the milk and that open dish of growing green goop sitting, watching, from its year long abode, in the left rear corner of the bottom shelf.....

pippin · 10-12-2005, 08:04 AM

turn on your garbage disposal unit for extra measure.. shake those little milk molecules up - TELL THEM WHO'S BOSS DAMMIT!!!

Silvernic · 10-12-2005, 09:20 AM

Is it pathetic that I search out your posts when I get bored?

h00kemh0rns · 10-12-2005, 09:52 AM

Becareful, the milk and half rolls of tp from work are in cohorts. No telling who else is involved in this conspiracy to get you....

brad · 10-12-2005, 10:53 AM

Next thing you know, the donuts will be turning on you.

Abel · 10-12-2005, 11:12 AM

donuts? who's buying donuts?

MarcoFromHouston · 10-12-2005, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digital Prophet

I have a gallon of milk that is about to go bad. And I don't mean like I bought it last week and the expiration date is the 7th. No I mean that it is about to go bad. Evil. Turn to a life of crime. Embrace the dark side. I mean this is some bad milk.

- Digital Prophet -

I blame the schools......

CaptainTom · 10-12-2005, 11:57 AM

Be careful !!
Ollie North said it best....

h00kemh0rns · 10-12-2005, 12:08 PM

I don't even want to talk about this anymore. What were you thinking, Digital Prophet? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you.

You need to go to like Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about because that's the only way you're going to get better.

Digital Prophet · 10-12-2005, 01:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by h00kemh0rns

I don't even want to talk about this anymore. What were you thinking, Digital Prophet? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity? Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you.

You need to go to like Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talking about because that's the only way you're going to get better.

So what are you trying to say?

- Digital Prophet -

Mongo · 03:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digital Prophet

So what are you trying to say?

- Digital Prophet -

Hes siding with the milk! They are plotting against you as we speak! they want you to believe the milk is not evil and that you should trust the milk. Dont fall for it!

h00kemh0rns · 10-12-2005, 03:28 PM

Was that wrong? Should I not have said that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've been on a lot of forums, and I tell you, people do that all the time

PhotoSpidy · 10-12-2005, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Digital Prophet

I have a gallon of milk that is about to go bad. And I don't mean like I bought it last week and the expiration date is the 7th. No I mean that it is about to go bad. Evil. Turn to a life of crime. Embrace the dark side. I mean this is some bad milk.

- Digital Prophet -

so tell me, are you going to start writing all this weird stuff down and turn it into books??

i mean really, King made a fortune making books out of his nightmares.....some about like your milk

... hes also nuttier than a fruitcake, but we love him anyway, and b*tch when we have to wait on a new book.

i think i would like your books, my mind can follow this

, scary as that is, i just want to be the one to take your pic for your book jacket

btw, you have wayyyyy too much time on your hands rofl

because i too look for these posts when im depressed/bored

Digital Prophet · 10-12-2005, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by h00kemh0rns

... you know, cause I've been on a lot of forums, and I tell you, people do that all the time

Other people on other forums are siding with the milk?!?!? My god, what have I stumbled onto?

- Digital Prophet -

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In My Fridge ...