CRITIQUE: Me and my brother.

[sharpfocus]

I did these 2 websites. I have been using mine for several years and it has done its job very well. My brothers is new and has yet to prove itself.

Me: www.sharpfocus.net

Brothers: www.doubletakespresents.com

Thanks!
Bob

[Daniel Bates]

I've never really liked the black-background theory of site design. . . it's really hard to read. But that might be just me...

Is the $4.95 web solutions ad yours, or your web host's?

[sharpfocus]

Thanks for commenting Daniel. The $4.95 ad is mine. You can go here for an easier to read website: www.sharpfocusmediaservices.com ...Bob

[Clayton Wallace]

Bob,

To me both sites are way too busy. I was visually overwhelmed and had the urge to back out quickly. You need a central focus and lots more open space for aesthetic reasons. I'd like to see some distinct sections (like your www.homestead.com/)

I do like how the photos are laid out on the sharpfocus site (allows me to see several versions quickly). However, I think you might want to cull out some of your less-strong images so the viewer sees only your best. I have no problem with the black background. It is classic and will never go out.

Minor points: the animated text is distracting and feels 90's. There is some text being overlapped in the upper right of your home (bizcard9) page by the leaves photo (FF 1.5)
Also, no video plays on the video site (I assume because it is new?)

[KeepsakeGirl]

Originally Posted by Clayton Wallace

Bob,

To me both sites are way too busy. I was visually overwhelmed and had the urge to back out quickly. You need a central focus and lots more open space for aesthetic reasons. I'd like to see some distinct sections (like your www.homestead.com/)

I do like how the photos are laid out on the sharpfocus site (allows me to see several versions quickly). However, I think you might want to cull out some of your less-strong images so the viewer sees only your best. I have no problem with the black background. It is classic and will never go out.

I second these points. If you hadn't stated they were designed by two diff. people I would have guessed it was created by one.

[sharpfocus]

Clayton, the streaming video is optimized for Internet Explorer at 1024x768 resolution. Other browsers have trouble with some of my content. Thanks for your input I am sorry you weren't able to see the videos. I agree that I have a little too much going on there but I am not sure how to fix it. ...Bob

[eyesea]

I agree that your front page is a bit busy, though it looks nice. Your navigation scheme could use some improvement. People should be abel to move all around your site from almost every page without having to work too hard at it - or they'll leave.

[sharpfocus]

Thanks for commenting everyone.

Do you think that if I just made some of the text smaller would be enough to free up the space? My idea has been to use every inch of monitor real estate to it's best advantage. I could move the 3 albums on the right side to another page and that would give lots of breathing room. I have also tried something like this: www.bobdanielson.com . Too many people have said that it was passe' to have a page like that so I don't really put it out there.

My clients are not idle surfers just looking around for an impulse buy. When they get to my sight they already have an idea who I am an what I do and are there because they have a need for my service. I am not counting on any business from anyone who is not a referral.

Whenever I get an e-mail then a relationship is established and we go on from there.

Erica, I did do all the pages on both sites. I have about 60 websites that I have built and host for profit. I like the black background because it seems to make the photographs pop a little more.

Thanks for taking the time to look at it.

Bob

[Clayton Wallace]

Do you think that if I just made some of the text smaller would be enough to free up the space? My idea has been to use every inch of monitor real estate to it's best advantage. I could move the 3 albums on the right side to another page and that would give lots of breathing room.

Font size is not the main problem. I think the main problem is your statement about trying to use every inch of screen space. You need to consider some of the elements and principles of art (particularly space, emphasis, harmony and unity). By attempting to cram so much into a small space, you defeat the goal of leading the viewer to the information they are searching for. (like showing too many photos to a client, they get overwhelmed).

Think of it this way: When a visitor comes to one of your pages, what is the main thing you want them to do? Looking at previous client work would have to be high on the list, but that item is relegated to the last place on the page that the eye tends to look (nearly all of us start at the upper left and work our way right and down). If I was you, I'd go find a professionally designed site (or template) and model after their design. That would at least take care of many of the structural and design decisions. Same for your brother's site.

Here is an example of my brother's Spiretop Media site. You have to agree you know where to look and it is very clean...too essential ingredients for any modern design.

One great resource for learning good design that I have my students use is http://www.webpagesthatsuck.com/ The premise being one can learn good design by studying the bad.

[sharpfocus]

Clayton, I tried to remove anything that was redundant or not so important. I also changed the nav bar so it wouldn't be so imposing. I can still remove the albums on the right and put something else there. This would still do what I want it to do. Is it an improvement? I went to your website and it is beautiful, but I am wanting a more "retro or art deco" feel to mine. Compare them side by side and then see if it is an improvement. ...Bob

Old style

New style

[Clayton Wallace]

Bob,

Definitely a step in the right direction. By the way, I am by no means suggesting mine is the 'right' way. Retro/Art Deco is cool, and your site gains it's individuality from that desire. It is still way too cluttered. As a general rule, avoid centering lists (keep left justified) and take off the italics. Italics should be used very sparingly or looses its meaning and becomes just hard to read. Why is 'Internet' in quotes? By having it in quotes it implies it is some form of alternate Internet or that you are actually quoting someone. I doubt either is the case. Also, I've been to your site like 15 times now and I still don't get exactly what the site is for. Is it web hosting? Design? Nature Photography? Commercial/Stock? And why is there an animated moth on the home page? I have a bit of time right now, I'll see about mocking up more what I'm thinking and post it here. It would help if you could tell me what your #1 purpose for the site is. Feel free to PM me if you prefer.

[Clayton Wallace]

Ok, here is my mockup. I tried to keep with 'retro' but sitll make it possible to include lots of info without looking crammed. I don't feel like it is finished, particlarly the left site in relation to color, but that's all the the time I have for now.

[sharpfocus]

What sells your site for me is the big picture inside the church. That is the first thing I see when I go to your site. Just from that image alone I gain a lot of confidence that you are a professional.

My website is morphing into something new since I stopped taking wedding photographs. The albums link is a remnant for when I would have brides view their photos online. I still take weddings from time to time... (I have 3 in July) so I keep the albums link to give the brides a place to go and see their pictures. I have been trying to get away from weddings but they keep pulling me back in.

What I would like to do is create little websites for small business's that just want some kind of internet presence. I am after the mass market of artists, tradesmen, anyone in business that could use a website if only to improve communications. I want to do them fast and cheap.

Right now I am hosting exactly 86 pages. 41 of them pay $5 a month and the rest pay only $1. I have enough server space to do maybe 500 more. The thing about this business is that after the initial web page is up, there is nothing to do but you still keep getting paid. I am actually willing to do the setup for free in order to get the monthly payment. It is gradually building up.

So that is what I want the website to do. Inspire enough confidence in a potential client that they trust me to do their website. That is the reason for all the links to photos and video streams and slide shows. I want them to look at the pictures to establish my credentials. I have a huge body of work to choose from.

I have never had a customer come from a search engine. I am not after surfers that are just looking around. I do some advertising in my area and get good play from word of mouth. However I see no reason why I couldn't do a page for someone in say... Europe or Alaska.

This is in answer to your question about what I want it to do. I like what you did with your mock-up. I need time to digest. I will be making a few more changes to the New style page.

Thanks for all your time.

Bob

[sharpfocus]

Clayton, I made quite a few of the changes that you suggested. And so this is what I have now. www.sharpfocus.net . This is the Old version for comparison. ...Bob

[Clayton Wallace]

Bob,

The new version is better, I can see several areas of improvement. However, it is still way too busy and lacks a central focus. Your site reminds me of situations where people use bold everywhere to emphasize text but by using it so much it looses its punch and just becomes harder to read. Try eliminating or making smaller the photos on the right and taking off most of the underlining (try using subtle color to indicate links, or dashed underlining that is a medium grey color).

Also, I've attached a screen shot of how part of your page appears in Firefox as well. There are two areas of overlapping text and one at the bottom right where a line is just floating by itself. The # of FF users is huge now and sites have to be designed to look good in both IE and FF (plus FF usually shows a site according to W3 standards whereas IE programmers are apparently drunk monkeys banging on a keyboard)