Tired of working for a living? Become a wedding photographer! It's EASY!

[Tom]

Become A Photographer! - Like pushing buttons? Want to be rich?

[mrsrice22]

HA! I like pushing buttons, though their generally the wrong ones and belong to my husband. hehe!

[Flea77]

When I tried it, it said:

Congratulations, Thomas Campbell!

You are now a wedding photographer!

Allan

PS. You know I love you Thomas, right?

[ziffle]

that was SWEET!!!

[Some Idiot]

Originally Posted by Flea77

When I tried it, it said:

Congratulations, '''''''''''''''''''!

You are now a wedding photographer!

Allan

PS. You know I love you Thomas, right?

Thanks funny


Mine said

Congratulations, NAME HERE!

You are now a wedding photographer!

As you explore this fantastically simple and easy path to success, you may optionally perform some of the following tasks if you find you have a little free time between trips to the bank to avoid tripping over piles of cash:




•buy a camera
•now buy a different camera, an actual professional DSLR
•realize your kit lens is a great paper weight
•buy a tripod and use it when you don't need to (you look so professional)
•buy lenses that actually cost real money. What? No?
•realize why real lenses cost real money
•okay, at least, admit expensive lenses are probably better
•fine, use your stupid kit lens. I mean, it's great. Really.
•buy a real speedlite/speedlight
•take pictures of your family
•take pictures of your friends
•take pictures of your pets
•take pictures of your friends' and family's pets
•take pictures of your friends for money
•take pictures of your friend's money (because you can, and you need the practice)
•get a photoshop
•get the same photoshop actions every other photographer purchased
•register your business name, before someone else does and sells it back to you.
•get a business card, one that doesn't look like ****
•get a business address
•get a business phone
•get a fax number if you want to be hawt
•register a real domain name for your website
•buy the same website template that other photographers do
•get a real email address at your real domain name
•find a hosting company to host your website
•make sure your domain and your hosting are connected
•fill out the information for you website template, upload images, use the word "passion" at least 8 times
•buy Google adwords and a paid listing on every site & magazine you can find
•set your prices higher than your skill level
•overload your packages with products so you end up being undervalued
•double-check and make sure your website says you have a "passion for photography"
•second shoot for a working wedding photographer with the intention of getting images for your website, forget to mention that
•get models from Modelmayhem every week and photograph them wearing wedding gowns. You have the free time.
•find an album company
•find a company that will do album designs and realize you undercharge too much to be able to pay them
•find album design software
•learn how to design an album
•figure out how to put the album online for clients to proof them
•figure out how to upload your albums for print
•find a print lab
•figure out how to put images online in a gallery for ordering
•set up credit card processing, somewhere, somehow
•calibrate your monitors so your poorly exposed prints at least have a shot at accidentally being the right color
•oops, buy a computer
•buy a monitor
•buy lots of hard disk space
•research a system to duplicate your image files so hard drive failure doesn't screw you
•purchase a system to duplicate your image files
•get business insurance
•get insurance on all of your equipment
•get a logo for your business, design a ****ty one yourself or pay someone cheap to do a ****ty one
•reprint your ****ty business cards
•design a price list that looks professional
•get your price list professionally printed or as professional as Kinkos can get it
•set up a business bank account
•buy a back up camera so you have a back up camera and you can stop lying to clients
•swear an oath to only shoot direct flash after you are dead
•figure out that paying for marketing in every option you find is too damned expensive
•work out on paper how much you have to charge to be able to pay for everything, including food and new equipment eventually
•put everything on a credit card and worry about it later like the idiot you are
•figure out the difference between 'full copyright' and a 'limited copyright release' such as 'the right to print for personal use', you idiot
•wearing your best flipflops, approach other wedding vendors and introduce yourself, tell them about your 'passion for photography' and 'love of weddings!' It's okay to cry.
•realize you can't sell what you don't show, get sample albums printed from the pictures you have of your family, friends, pets, and money.
•buy a fricking reflector already
•post on your Facebook you are looking for an assistant
•make your assistant hold your fricking reflector
•lie and sell your assistant as a second shooter
•answer the phone every day when solicitors try to sell you magazine ad space and SEO services
•buy lots of office supplies
•buy a filing cabinet
•walk laps around Staples trying to figure out what kind of folders to use to file things
•buy writable DVD's, printable if you want them to be sexy
•buy Lightroom because all of your friends are editing in it
•pay to go to a photography seminar that is less than a hundred bucks, spend three hundred on DVD's and kits.
•put your pictures in the templates you just bought
•realize that your Craigslist ads and Flickr galleries aren't as professional as you thought when you bought your couch
•buy a camera bag
•finally buy a sensor cleaning kit
•buy a lens cloth and stop using your shirt, dumfuk
•join an online photography forum, make a post about your business, then ask 'what is a color space?'
•realize not even your mom can find your website online, learn SEO or pay a lot of money to get SEO
•track inquiries relating to your marketing so you can figure out where to spend money in the future
•lower your prices because someone undersold you once and your parents hated you growing up
•buy the next new greatest camera even though you still haven't figured out why there are so many buttons on the last one
•get mad because all of your clients want digital files and no one ever buys a print from you
•tell everyone you meet that you are a photographer, fake a small bladder if they are a photographer too and "talk about cameras"
•spend hours and hours answering emails, pausing only long enough to say "****. I spend a lot of time answering emails."
•at some point, you should probably learn how to properly compose an image and take a great picture
•forget great pictures, use a different photoshop action to wash every image in your portfolio in candy colors, make it look like a bag of fricking Skittles
•sleep, if you get the chance
•wake up early
•realize you have no system for storing client information, managing business expenses, or anything else
•research a management system for your business
•purchase a system for mananaging your damned business, finally
•make time to actually input information as needed, after spending hours and hours inputing your old info
•post on a forum: "I've been shooting weddings forever. I'm awesome. Do I need a contract?"
•F-U-running, you need a contract for weddings!
•respond to emails that you have been putting off
•F-U-sideways, you need a modeling release for all of the crap you shot so far... but you still don't care
•copy a modeling release online and forget to remove the other businesses name
•find out the hard way that if people don't pay before they get pictures, they don't pay afterward either
•pay an ambulance-chasing lawyer to review your contract and then actually make it worse, but it's okay, he's a lawyer
•join as many official organizations as you can, put the logos on your site, look legitimate
•get married so you can say your spouse is your second photographer, let your assistant carry your tripod
•decide to meet clients at Starbucks (it's premium coffee, that's why they have a kiosk in Kroger!)
•buy a laptop
•get software to make a slideshow
•steal a song for your slideshow
•figure out how to make a slideshow
•become frustrated with (insert here) software, search desperately online and ask friends for something different
•if you bought Canon, waste time debating switching to Nikon. Nikon looks better.
•if you bought Nikon, waste time debating switching to Canon. Canon looks better.
•add your damn laptop to your insurance
•realize your contact form on your website has never worked
•what the F#$& is "PHP"?
•waste five hours searching the internet and picking brains, finally get your contact form working
•respond to emails that you have been putting off
•try to figure out why people say your website loads slowly
•what the F&$% is a "web quality image"???
•finally figure out the relationship between dpi and screen resolution! (there isn't one)
•replace every image on your website with low res versions of the correct pixel dimensions
•realize finally that you have to "white balance" your camera
•buy a book on Lightroom and/or Photoshop, and never read it
•slowly and painfully realize that it isn't 'how many' weddings you book, but how much are you making off each one?
•respond to emails that you have been putting off
•pay for a photography seminar where the guy preaches basic f-ing lighting techniques and allow it to blow your mind
•buy a lightstand and a second speedlite/speedlight and act like you just learned an ancient Chinese secret
•beat a dead-horse and ask on a forum, "What is better? PW, CS, or RP? I NEED TO KNOW IN 10 MINUTES I AM BUYING THEM!
•get frustrated with your off-camera lighting, the guy who sold it to you lied!
•stress on your website "I love natural light and working at great locations". I promise. No one will think "you suck at lighting and don't have a studio".
•find out that mobile devices can't see your current flash website
•purchase a template for mobile devices
•figure out how to upload your new template to your site
•upload images and text to your site for mobile devices
•realize that you DO have to pay on your credit card, add to your website "I love kids! I am a wedding and child photographer!" That should make your phone ring.
•realize that you shouldn't update your site while watching TV. "To Catch A Predator" gives you nightmares anyway. Change the word "pornographer" to correctly read "photographer" on your site. Ignore the phone when it rings for the next hour or so just to be safe.
•realize that cetain products in your wedding packages are over-priced and clients keep sticking it to you by removing them
•go to a seminar where someone you don't really know, who doesn't know you at all, randomly tells you that your prices are too low
•raise your prices and not get an inquiry for a month
•become frustrated by all the new people who just bought a camera and decided they were a wedding photographer
•realize that all of your clients don't have large noses after all, wide-angle lenses distort peoples bodies, mindblowing
•realize you need a blog
•purchase a new website template with a blog
•find out your new template sucks because it doesn't work with mobile devices
•purchase a new new website template with a blog that works on mobile devices
•figure out how to upload your template to your site
•insert images and text into your new website
•post on a forum: "What is a blog really? Why do I need it?
•blog the jobs you've shot and backdate everything
•change your site to read: "I shoot weddings, children, and pets in natural light at beautiful locations!" (yes, you still have to buy food, maybe pet photography will add some cash)
•blog about your dog
•finally get stood up for the last time for a session with a parakeet and decide you will collect a deposit for portrait sessions
•spend 6 hours designing a brochure that looks like you spent 10 minutes and drop it off at every gown and florist vendor in town
•blog about things unrelated to your businesss because that's what people really want to know, where you went on vacation
•add a FAQ page to your website even though the only question you are ever asked is "Can I get my money back?"
•update your content management system with clients and jobs because your new site took up too much of your time
•lower your prices because "it's not you, it's them"
•respond to emails that you have been putting off
•realize clients have been taking images from your online galleries
•figure out how to watermark your images
•offer some kind of special promotion; find out the hard way that clients will keep asking for that deal for 3 months after it expires
•allow your images to used in exchange for exposure. You are published! Who didn't see that issue of Auto Mechanic Tools Weekly?
•break your camera, find out that you can get it fixed cheaper and faster if you belong to either Canon or Nikon's professional services
•waste hours finding out how and eventually signing up for Canon or Nikon's professional services
•fill out the forms, package your camera, ship it off
•sign up and pay for a bridal show
•have a hard drive fail
•send your failed hard drive off to get recovered because you were too lazy to back up that drive, even though you had been meaning to set up the system you purchased for backup weeks and weeks ago
•show up at the bridal show to find out that you are one of 35 photographers at the show
•realize that your watermark is too small because you didn't want to mess up the pictures and clients are still downloading images from your online galleries
•make a large angry watermark
•respond to emails that you have been putting off. No. Seriously. I mean you need to go do that right now.

[HeatherLou]

Hahaha, that is AWESOME!

[d0va]

lol

[SCone]

OK... so I'm down to the Google adwords... can I get those for free?

[FireHeart Photography]

I have a coffee mug that is a canon lens doesn't that make me a pro?

[adamsheehy]

Perfect! "add a FAQ page to your website even though the only question you are ever asked is "Can I get my money back?"

[zachary]

Look ma', im a big photografer now!

[LauraM]

Oh, Rob! You are a delight! haha :)

[TxTowman]

You spent a long time on that post. It's a shame you didn't insist on your reflector holding assistant/second shooter/wife to proof read and spell check it for You.

JMHO

But still very funny

[Nikonfan]

I just read the entire thing. It was really funny but.. who the heck has been spying on me??? Now I have to get to some emails I've been putting off!

[stacyreeves]

hahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahhhahaha