How do you turn down a bride?

[TDPI]

Let me first apologize for the long story but it does lead to a legitimate question that we need help on.

My wife and I shoot as a team and we met with a bride to do a consult. She had no idea what she wanted on anything from colors to tablescapes to flowers so she asked us. All we could do was show her pics from previous weddings we had shot. She hated everything. She didn't just dislike it, she hated it. Every different thing we showed her from many weddings, she was always quick to criticize and dismiss....and yet she had no ideas herself. We had spent a good bit of the time showing and telling her how we would be her best choice and I guess we were succesful as she said she would go with us. We got a verbal but not a written agreement. After she left my wife and I decided that this was the type of person who could not be satisfied no matter how good the job was. She would contribute nothing and then be displeased with what she got. So that night I texted her and told her that we could not do her wedding. She was ticked off.

When you are at the table giving your pitch (and you are effective) how do you tell a bride at the end (if you get a bad feeling) that you can't shoot for her when you have just spent a couple of hours showing her why she should. Help us out, please.

Thanks
Troy

[groovyone]

Say, "I am sorry but I do not think we will be able to meet your needs."

It sounds like she had a look in mind that she could not express, and you guys were not it. No point in trying to take stabs at something that is not your style, especially if she cannot explain what it is she wants.

[BenE]

I used to say. "I honestly believe I am not the photographer you would be satisfied with, but I appreciate your time and consideration."

Text her? Sorry, I would be a bit ticked off also. Texting, in my opinion (and I realize I am in the minority) is not the professional method of communication in a situation like this.

.edit... Lesson to be learned ( I learned it the hard way years ago), at the first sign of discontent, the consultation is ended politely and quickly. Usually the bride will not commit at that point, and if they called back later, I simply said I was unavailable.

The upside... at least you do not have to worry about future problems; no money exchanged hands; no nasty phone calls after the wedding. As they say, you (probably) dodged a bullet.

[groovyone]

Originally Posted by BenE

Text her? Sorry, I would be a bit ticked off also. Texting, in my opinion (and I realize I am in the minority) is not the professional method of communication in a situation like this.

I have to agree here. That was definitely a phone call situation. Yes, you would have likely caught flak but it would have been a better approach.

[Ernst-Ulrich Schafer]

I'm sorry Sweetheart but I'm booked on your day.

[Howard Barlow]

Texting is tacky, and unprofessional.

However, the few times I declined, I told the truth. "Sorry, but I don't think we make a good fit. I am sure there are other photographers who will be just right for you." Of course, it always offended them, no matter how I worded it. "What? Are you saying you're turning us down?" "Yes, ma'am. There are two interviews going on. You are evaluating me, and have every right to decide I am not the photographer for you. No problem. But, I, otoh, am interviewing you, as well. I reserve the same right to select my clients, as clients have in selecting their photographer."

My philosophy has always been it's better to cause a slight offense up front, than to have a full fledged war after the fact. YMMV

[SCone]

Originally Posted by TDCponley

She hated everything... She didn't just dislike it, she hated it... she was always quick to criticize and dismiss...

Run, do not walk, do not collect any deposit, do not pursue for any reason. Life is just too short for where this is heading.

[TDPI]

Thanks all, I appreciate the help. I tried to call her that night but there was no answer so I left a text to establish a timeline. We had actually told her that we only do a certain number a year and that we were meeting another bride right after her so I used the excuse that we had reached out limit. But I am sure it will happen again so I wanted to get some advice.

[bthompson]

Why would you work to make the sale if she hated everything you had? I met with some bride, her two sisters and her mother once and they were all wretched and cheap and while I wasn't rude, I sure as hell didn't work hard to make a sale because I didn't WANT the wedding. You can go with the I'm booked lie or just say, after consideration I don't think we're a fit.

[LadyShutterBug]

When you have someone like this continue to pursue you, I would recommending asking her what made her go with you. You might be surprised what you hear... I mean good lord, we've all had crappy days. Fond out why she loves you and wants to hire you before you write her off as being too difficult.

[williamkazak]

Originally Posted by LadyShutterBug

When you have someone like this continue to pursue you, I would recommending asking her what made her go with you. You might be surprised what you hear... I mean good lord, we've all had crappy days. Fond out why she loves you and wants to hire you before you write her off as being too difficult.

Yes, but everything they showed her, colors, etc. she did not like. She was quite difficult.

[ngoduyviet]

Originally Posted by TDCponley

Let me first apologize for the long story but it does lead to a legitimate question that we need help on.

My wife and I shoot as a team and we met with a bride to do a consult. She had no idea what she wanted on anything from colors to tablescapes to flowers so she asked us. All we could do was show her pics from previous weddings we had shot. She hated everything. She didn't just dislike it, she hated it. Every different thing we showed her from many weddings, she was always quick to criticize and dismiss....and yet she had no ideas herself. We had spent a good bit of the time showing and telling her how we would be her best choice and I guess we were succesful as she said she would go with us. We got a verbal but not a written agreement. After she left my wife and I decided that this was the type of person who could not be satisfied no matter how good the job was. She would contribute nothing and then be displeased with what she got. So that night I texted her and told her that we could not do her wedding. She was ticked off.

When you are at the table giving your pitch (and you are effective) how do you tell a bride at the end (if you get a bad feeling) that you can't shoot for her when you have just spent a couple of hours showing her why she should. Help us out, please.

Thanks
Troy

Just tell her that you guys are probably not the best fit for her needs, and you can recommend a few good photogs for the job, then hand her my biz card just kidding. But don't lie, just tell her the truth and how you feel. Much easier that way I think.

[spluloacle]

I probably would have a list of questions to ask in the future of clients starting with the statement that you want to get a feel to see if you and the potential client would be a good fit. Questions like... What are you expecting from a photographer? What types of pictures are you looking at funky, conservative, nice, etc.? Will the wedding be big, small or in between?

Things like this. Make the questions geared to your specific type of photography. That way you are starting out letting them know that their time is valuable. Also I don't think that giving advice about what decor blah blah should ever be a subject you breach. If they persist show them a color wheel and tell them that you don't want to do combos really of blue and yellow (don't know just pulled that outta the air) etc.

[camera shy]

I'm not a wedding photographer and I never played one on TV.
so,
I can understand your desire to sell yourself and your services to potential clients. I think in this case you tried your best to sell yourself to this bride and did a good job since she agreed to use you even after all of her complaints.
This would be a good lesson in making sure of your client at the same time as pitching yourself. Everyone says to run from 'bridezilla'. I think it's hard to recognize 'bridezilla' sometimes. In this case it sounds like she made herself transparent early enough to set off the red flags.
She'll find somebody she likes, maybe.....

[HotHolly]

That happens with all types of clients, not just weddings. Once in a while a doozey comes along. It might be clashing personalities, and no fault of anyone's. Or, they might be nuts.

For your own sake, as soon as you realize that you aren't a good fit, say it and suggest pointing her in the right direction. And then I do refer them if I know someone that would work. It cannot sound like rejection - you need to say it so that its in her best interest. Cuz it is. Hating each other by the end of the deal sucks. No one wants that.

Ive said something along the lines of 'I dont think I'm a good fit for your needs. It sounds like you are wanting a photog who can ________, and we don't offer that. But, I do know the perfect person for you!' Then tell them about the other photog.

Dude, brides want to be happy on their wedding day. Doing this upfront is part of the business. They should be looking for someone they LIKE and someone who's work they love. It takes a while to find the right fit. No one should feel bad about it. Be reassuring and move on.